las aventuras de ray y reina

Are You Marriage Material?

2006-11-27T09:46:00.000+01:00

I rarely take quizzes and not because i do not like them but because sometimes i think am too old for these things ( am not a teen anymore though i acted like one when i was 24)

I was very curious to know what will come up on this quizz today and when the result appeared i was happy to read it because i see myself as someone some girls(one at a time , of course) would like to spend the rest of their lives withbut suddenly something crossed my mind and i laughed but at the same time willing to cry.I have not experienced this laugh and cry thing since my longterm relationship came to an end.

I felt as if i wanted to make an omelette ( Spanish one , of course not French )and after peeling and cutting the potatoes , the onions and chopping the persils etc etc suddenly i realized i have no eggs left to make it ( i have two eggs to start a relationship though):P

The result of the quizz fits me well and i was happy but then i found out i did not have the main actor (actress in this case ). Where the fuck is she ? or she is not born yet ? by the time she was borned i would be with San pedro ( Not don pedro )

i touch ground again and am happy with life and i cannot complain as there are million of others in worse situation and they do not even have the energy to open their mouth to say Help ! Help !

Your Results:
You're ready for that walk down the aisle
You may not be tying the knot anytime soon, but when you have the right future spouse in place, you'll be entering your union with healthy views on love, commitment and partnership - and that's much of the battle of winning a happy and healthy marriage. You probably grew up with good examples of what to do, or what not to do, in a marriage, and plan on using those ideas and values as a way to determine who the best spouse for you would be. Remember that just because you are marriage material doesn't mean that you should grab the person next to you and pop the question - but then again, you already knew that.

Pubic Hair and Personality

2006-10-04T12:26:00.000+02:00

What Your Tresses Say About You - Just check it out now

According to Kosai Jumon, 70, you can judge a book by its cover…or its pubic hair anyway. The author of the newly released book, Tamashi Yura Ageman (Rising Fortunes of the Soul), claims that the shape of a woman’s pubic hair indicates her sexual tendencies.

Jumon classifies pubic hair into five shapes: oblong, elliptical, delta (shaped like the opening of a river), elongated, and the “standard” inverted triangle. He associates each shape with certain characteristics: endurance, attachment, action, emotion, and receptivity.

The pubic hair expert hypothesizes that women with elongated manes tend to fall in love quickly, and are very passionate. The inverted triangle, the most common shape among Oriental women, “…shows endurance and indicates suitability for married life.” And watch out for those delta women—they are thought to be “hyper-infidels.”

Where does this expertise come from? Studying many women over many years, Jumon noticed a pattern linking pubic hair to personality. From there, he set out to learn everything he could about “The Zone. PubicHairandPersonality”

Women's pubic hair is normally shaped like an inverted triangle, but some is oblong or elliptic-shaped," pubic hair researcher Kosai Jumon tells Asahi Geino (8/26), adding that the shape of a woman's "underhair" often determines her sexual proclivities.

"It's not rare for women with elongated pubic hair to be the types who fall in love at first site and soon become passionate. They're not the types who're happy shut up in the home. They may cause those around them to worry about them a little. But that devilish side to them is what makes them so attractive to men."

Jumon's recently released book "Tamashi Yura Ageman (Rising Fortunes of the Soul)" categorizes women's pubic hair into five types, each of which purportedly determines its owner's fortune.

Viewing crotch coverings is supposed to determine whether a woman will make a good wife who makes her man happy or a virago who makes her husband's life hell on earth.

Jumon says that the frisky types with elongated pubic hairstyles are not the only types of mound mustaches that require some consideration. Those with mountain delta type minge, where the pattern of the mop resembles the mouth of a river, are said to be hyper-infidels.

Jumon says that most Oriental women's pubic hair is shaped in what he calls the standard-type, which is an inverted triangle.

"It shows endurance and indicates suitability for married life. They have everything they need for enduring such home-like activities as childbirth, child-raising and caring for their husband or parents," Jumon tells Asahi Geino. "I don't think it's saying too much to say that it is these standard-type women who helped raise Japan to glory."

Jumon, 70, says that years of experience with a variety of women alerted him to the finding that sexual prowess differed according to their pubic hairdo.

"Studying intensively while I was young and building up experience led me to refer to the pubic hair area as 'The Zone,' and I gradually learned everything about it," he says.

Jumon divides 'The Zone' into five sub-zones endurance, attachment, action, emotion and receptivity -- the shape of each determines a woman's sexual persona.

Jumon claims the average Japanese woman's pubic hair is a standard-type, inverted triangle shape where the base extends for 9 centimeters and it runs the same length from top to bottom, with the mean length of hairs being 7.5 centimeters.

"A perfect wife has a clearly defined endurance sub-zone and slight traits of a receptivity sub-zone. Put simply, this means she doesn't care a great deal about things like ethics or morals. A woman with pubic hair like this would be able to bear a lot, but also have a sexual side that allowed for unbridled wantonness," the pubic hair expert tells Asahi Geino. "In short, hair like this would indicate a good wife during the day who turns into a whore a night."

Amorosa , Leal , Tierna , Honesta, Especial, Amable

2006-03-26T19:58:00.000+02:00

Amor Eterno
(Pablo Neruda)

Pata ti DYosa :)

Podrá nublarse el sol eternamente;
Podrá secarse en un instante el mar;
Podrá romperse el eje de la tierra
Como un débil cristal.

¡todo sucederá! Podrá la muerte
Cubrirme con su fúnebre crespón;
Pero jamás en mí podrá apagarse
La llama de tu amor.

Tambien Para ti mi DYosa

Distancia

Hay un abismo enorme
entre tú y yo,
y este es la distancia,
que existe entre tú y yo.

Varias millas nos alejan,
y nos impiden estar cerca,
enorme extensión
nos acecha,
y yo me siento presa.

Prisionera soy
por no poder besarte,
prisionera soy
por no poder tocarte.
¡Cómo extraño ver tus labios!,
¡cómo extraño el no besarlos!,
¡cómo extraño escuchar tu llanto!
y no estar ahí para calmarlo.

Acercarme a ti
cómo lo quiero,
pues te necesito a mi lado,
seguir sin ti, no puedo.
Ven a mis brazos,
no dudes hacerlo,
porque la distancia
agranda el deseo,
ya quiero verte,
es en lo único que pienso,
es que sin verte,
me carcome el sufrimiento.

Me duele no verte tanto,
hiere estar tan distanciados,
pero yo sigo esperando
otra vez encontrarnos,
y cuando ese día llegue,
ya no escaparás de mis brazos.

No one can stop two souls from being sweet.....

2006-03-26T19:01:00.000+02:00

I was supposed to write two long entries this month but for reasons i cannot yet mentioned i will postponed it for April when i have received enough answers to my Whys and Why nots :)Right now am listening to music as usual killing a Sunday afternoon and text chatting with a soulmate , who belongs to another world, but comes down once in a bluemoon to make me smile and i have always realized it is when i am down .How can she know ? Is it a mystery ? or simply a matter of Soul ? Oh Now i remember telling her on one text on january 27th at exactly 20:52 pm her time in her world ..." let´s communicate with the soul and she replied That would be wonderful " Then am sure it is not a mystery but a question of soul.No one can hack a soul, no one cans top a soul, no one can read a soul except the soul who is the receptor of that message :) Is it not wonderful ? yes it is ...

"Forget Me Not" LUCIE SILVAS

Wherever your life takes you to
And if we never meet again
Think of me every now and then

We had just one day to recall
Now all I want is something more
Than just a fading memory
Left wondering what could have been.

Isn't it a shame, that when timing's all wrong
You're doing what you never meant to,
There's always something that prevents you.
Well I believe in fate, it had to happen this way

But it always leaves me wondering whether...
In another life we'd be together.
We should feel lucky we can say... we've always got yesterday

And as I leave it all behind
You're still emblazoned in my mind
And for that very special day
Nobody loved me in that way

Forget me not, I ask of you
Wherever your life takes you to
And if we never meet again
Think of me every now and then

"Nothing Else Matters" LUCIE SILVAS

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
'Cause nothing else matters

I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we do it our way
All these words I don't just say
'Cause nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
'Cause nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do, no
Never cared for what they know, no
Never cared for what they do, no
But I know

Trust I seek but I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view
'Cause nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
'Cause nothing else matters

las aventuras de ray y reina

2006-03-04T15:04:00.000+01:00

" I AM LEAVING FOR A WHILE . i HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A CONFIRMATION FOR A ROOM IN A VERY REMOTE PLACE WHERE I USED TO GO TO MEDITATE AND THINK . tHERE WAS NO PLACE LEFT TILL AFTER MARCH 21ST AND I KEPT PRAYING. I WAS LOSING A BIT OF HOPE BUT RIGHT NOW SATURDAY MARCH 4TH AT 14:50PM WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO BEG TO BE LISTENED TO BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK AND TALK GOD HELPED ME. I GOT A CALL ONE CLIENT WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO GO THAT PLACE BACKED OUT COS OF ILL HEALTH AND I GOT THIS . " ADIOS O HASTA PRONTO

No envelope can hold what she gave me , still giving me and will always give me...Only my heart can hold them all

2006-02-18T11:38:00.000+01:00

Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means.The heart has eyes which the brain knows nothing of.
Today i am happy though i was a bit sad as i learnt from a text message my valentine´s card reached the person i love so much two days after(february 16) the date it was supposed to be in her hand(february 14 ) But HERs did arrive on the exact day (february 14).I used to believe that ladies are more sensitive than us men but now am totally convinced after receiving HER card :)

I am happy for many things that happened to me the day i reached my home town after a long trip to LOURDES. I went work though i was tempted to take a sick leave as i was really exhausted but what would i have done at home on that day apart from missing and thinking of someone you would have liked to be with ?

After work i went direct my postbox at home and i cannot explain why i did that wihtout even caressing my wife Reina(A Cute Fox Terrier ) first :) It was as if by art of magic something was pulling me towards the leter box and at first , without opening the box and just by a quick peep through the aperture , i saw nothing inside but something made me open it despite the fact that nothing could be seen at first sight .To my surprise there was a large white envelope and by the tidyness of the name and address written on the envelope i could easily tell who it came from and i was right, it was from her.My name sounded celestial (from heaven )when i read it and it was musical and everything around me sounds and looks especial and even when i looked at myself after my shower i looked sexier and more attractive (Am i not ? )

All of a sudden i forgot i was exhausted and i felt as if it was a saturday and i have just woken up strong and with the desire of eating the whole world .I immediately went to my room , dropped my bag and got rid of my jacket and shoes and started to fumble that envelope , smelling it, trying to read the village it was sent from and the date it was sent and tried to see finger prints or hair stuck by chance somewhere :P i went to the shower and the envelope still lying on the bed next to my pillow .i took the fastest shower you can imagine and ran to bed and it was cold but i didnt feel it was necessary to get dress even with a simple pyjamas and i lied on bed without anything on except what i brought with me when i was born .I will not say (at least for now till the day i get married )what happened after reading that letter and what i did because it is too good to be told or even imagined.I can only say it tasted wonderful though not as good as the MANGO CREPE as one important ingredient was missing....Long live those 10 days to glory ha ha

I opened it gently and slowly trying not to tear the envelope so it will be as intact as it was sent to me .the envelope itself was especial both in size and cut and i knew immediately it was made just for me and i felt especial like the envelope.HER things made for me always make me feel especial and it was a miracle because i got something like this on valentine´s day.What a memorable day this valentin´s will be for me as from now .

The moment the envelope was opened i saw a brownish letter written in black ink with this familliar handwriting which have always made me feel complex knowing how i write and not to mention the English she uses which still make me much more complexed.It was written on both sides and above in the middle there was a golden square with small flowers in silver which could be any flower but which i took as daisies for special reasons i have :) Inside the letter , perfectly folded ,lay two handkerchieves made of JUSI(made from banana fibre ) one was whitish and the second one was like cream or beige colour and with beautiful embroidery and they called my attention and i knew before hand they belong to my Mami as it was bought and sent for her .They were so beautiful and so nice to the touch i felt like keeping them for me ;)I do not know of anything from This wonderful country called the philippines which i do not like . maybe in a past life i was a pinoy but i know i want to be one if ever i can reincarnate and i am given the chance to choose of course .

I will type the full original letter here because i feel proud of it and it means soo much for me .But before typing the letter here i will type ONE especial text which SHE sent me at exactly her February 14th at 01:09:52 2006 her time as it was still 6:09:52 pm February 13th in my country . This was the FIRST greeting and gift i got from someone for valentine´s and how can i not be proud of HER....

TEXT 1 :gudnyt,ray.happy valentine´s day & thank you 4being there for me all the time. i hope i can always back you too.god bless u & i will always pray for ur hapiness too.

TEXT 2 : 14.0202006 at 04:22:42 her time...i got up to pee.drive safe,thank u for the gift :( last year ,u made it special too.i will never forget.ur sweet for doing what ur doing nw.ur an angel,ray..

I am smiling because normally she is very careful when typing , even when chatting ,she will always use the corect capital letter, punctuation marks etc etc ..but this time i can see GOD written without capital and Ray without either :P Why that ? one may asks and i will only say she was falling asleep and when she falls asleep i enjoy talking to HER because it makes me feel lucky to be with her at such a moment of privacy.How can i not be proud of HER ?look who is talking in the second text,who is the Angel here ? Thank you my Angel:)

Now i will deliver the letter here just as it was written and i may get sue for this as it is under copyright law and i have not asked her permission but i will risk.I feel too proud to worry about a fine or going to jail :P

Here it is >>>>

1 february 2006

Dear ray ,

Hello and happy valentine´s day ! though this letter isn´t really just for you - it´s also for your mom. These are the hankies (handkerchieves)i got for her in Intramuros. they´re made of a fabric called Jusi(pronounced the way you would pronounce it in spanish). It´s made from banana fibre, and it´s the same fabric used to make barong tagalog, (That shirt you wanted to egt for you and your dad).There´s another fabric used used - piña, from pineapple, but that´s more expensive because it´s only made by hand.

Here´s something funny- notice how thin the fabric is? usually - well, ALWAYS, actually- it´s worn with a plain white t-shirt underneath, but some non-filipinos or at least those who don´t know about it don´t know this fact either. Anyway Sh*****´s dad brought it with him to the states to wear to Sh*****´s U.S- raised cousin´s wedding. he kept looking at the Barong and he asked Sh*****, "is your dad really going to wear this at my wedding? " and Sh***** said yes and the cousin said, " are you sure? " and Sh***** said yes again and her cousin said, " but his nipples are going to show! "hehe. that´s Tip #1 for wearing a Barong.

Anyway, hope your mom likes them. They´re really only for decorative purposes, because they won´t absorb anything.

Thank you all for the prayers ! They´re all appreciated. It means so much to me that someone is praying for me because i doubt if people here are ( apart from my mom, maybe).

I know your mom is so proud of you, ray, and i want you to know i am too. i could never tell you enough how much our friendship has meant to me and still means to me. i will always pray for your happiness because you deserve it more than anyone i know.

you´re heaven-sent.thank you for everything.

Love,

al****

P.s.

sorry this letter is so messy 1

X hugs x

Whoever happens to read this (few usually do read me- two maybe ? )do i not have enough reason to feel proud of someone who thinks of me like this and not to mention the number of things she has actually done for me and shown me .?Yes, i have more than enough reasons to say am Very very proud to be a friend of hers.My mami is proud of you her and yes my mami loves what she has sent her especially knowing she has gone to the trouble of thinking of her while in Intramuros,she is my lovely soulfriend.

I am happy and i am smiling because each day when i wake up i look at those things i have in my room which reminds me of HER and nothing and no-one will be able to make this friendship stops growing because it is from our souls and it will always live there till the end of time :)

THANK YOU FOR GIVING SO MUCH WITHOUT EXPECTING AND MY THANK YOU IS ALSO ON BEHALF OF THOSE WHO ONLY KNOW HOW TO TAKE AND TAKE BUT NEVER KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU LET ALONE GIVE YOU WIHTOUT YOU ASKING .

Before i end this entry i found something appropriate for us all but i believe right now someone who lives in my same country should learn this and apply it soon -
Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is ATTITUDE.

Yes yes i can hear you say : " YOU WISH !"

TELL ME NICE SWEET THINGS THIS VALENTINE ..I NEED HEAR IT

2006-02-14T16:05:00.000+01:00

HERE IS A POEM I FOUND WEEKS AGO WHILE SURFING FOR LOVE ...

Although Our Love Is Over, It Remains

Although our love is over, it remains
An unfrequented garden in my heart,
Its beauty quite inseparable from pain,
A wilderness where once was willful art.
I hope a little piece of you is still
Reserved for me, a place you may not go,
But where my room, untenanted, can fill
A moment with my music, sweet and slow.

There are no wishes like a former lover's
That from the dark, repentant night must shine.
And so though we have both moved on to others,
I send you from afar this Valentine

What can i say on this special occasion when all of us who have someone to be with , try our best to make that someone happy .Some do extraordinary things on this day but just behave insensitively for most part of the year while others do simple things but which require great effort and sacrifice (especially when one lives in another part of the world and has to make a phone call or send a card to someone living in a richer , rather more expensive place ) I know a story like this when she would be spending all her savings (which was small quatity for that bastard she was calling ) and still he was that insensitive to fight her and make her waste all her savings which was for her MFA and worse of all is all she wanted to do was to make him happy.she could not succeed making him happy with all that savings she lost ... what a waste fo a person grrrr

Some dont even have someone to share this valentines with and some others do love but the person they love belongs to someone who logically wants to have him or her near on that day.It would be great if this someone treats her same the rest of the year because if this is not the case i will say what a waste .

To all those who have someone dear and are lucky they can say " I love you " and in return get another " I love you too" from that person must always keep this flame alive throughout till the end and to never abandon saying " i love you " each day ,making each day a valentine´s day.Time runs and life is precious but our time here is relatively short why should we fight on stupid insignificant things while we can enjoy the good one finds being with someone who loves us .Why cry one day when this person is in someone´s arm or is with God if we didnt enoy it when that person was with us real ?I am talking from experience and probably after committing same mistakes and that is why i will always seize my chance to be happy ( even 10 days is GLORY for me ) and celebrate each day as if it is the end of the world .Please dont only try to be good with each other only on this day but make it lovely through the rest of your lives with eachother .

Today i came from a long trip i started my Monday 8pm going to see someone who loved me then left me and now i hear her saying loud " i love you , Sunil " and it was a long journey but my good thought of her made it short and bearable.It is someone who i cant have again because she has gone to a much better place than where we mortals have to live now .I know for sure she is happy knowing i remember her and i have never broken my promise to her.Maybe i did not tell her how much i love her as often as i should (though i remember saying it many times during the day and saying it can never be enough when you love ).Maybe i did not know how to satisfy her in All her needs and she was deceived (I also know i was more prudent and responsible than her ).Today i brought red roses for her and i lit 6 candles for her(i bought 12 candles )Since she left me it is the first time i heard her say " I love you , sunil".I feel relieved i felt it but i could not hear it from her mouth .

I have another valentines but that was a while ago when i came home from LOURDES .She was near the door when i opened it and the moment i stopped the engine of my car i could hear her bark and sort of crying knowing for sure it is me coming back.I opened the door and i got her jumping and i had to catch her and lift her up and i got the kisses from her(wet ones )but given with love and tenderness.I talked to her and i said " Reina , te quiero " but i did not get any reply from her voice but i got more kisses and bitings (loving bites ).She is my fox terrier ,Reina .Again i did not hear her say this · I LOVE YOU " and maybe she said it but i did not understand her words (barkings)THANK YOU MY LOVER , REINA..MANY YEARS TOGETHER AND THOUGH WE HAVE FOUGHT UNLIKE MANY HUMAN COUPLES WE WOULD OVERCOME IT AFTER A FEW MINUTES..THANK YOU AGAIN FOR BEING MY PARTNER AND EACH DAY WITH YOU MAKES ME REALIZE WHAT A GREAT PARTNER YOU ARE..GUA GUA GUA

How Simple to Be Happy Here in Heaven

How simple to be happy here in heaven!
After all, one doesn't want for much.
Passion finds its willing partner, ever
Pleased to please with a deft and tender touch.
Yearning is like walking through a valley
Veiled in the loveliness of flowers.
All the beauty of the earth can only
Lead us to the edge of what is ours.
Etched into our love there is a message,
Not of now but of all time and place,
Telling of a truth beyond the passage
In which we move from mystery to grace.
Nor are there signs that such content can be
Except my love for you, and yours for me

Finally the third and last valentines of the day for me though not the least important . On thE contrary it is the most important one right now with feelings overflowing on my side . I have one and unique valentines who i do really value at this time of my life . She was the first one i got a text wishing me "HAPPY VALENTINE´S DAY " and the truth is SHE was also the first person i texted back wishing her same .I am mentioning this because SHE is ESPECIAL for anyone who happens to cross her way and imagine she crossed my way long ago :)SHE is what i called La Diosa Del Amor though she never accepted it .She belongs to someone she belonged to long ago but who came back and logically that the lover of her life and she would leave anything to go back to HIM (though often she would say she would not go back again ha ha )and the truth is especially This was what made me fall for her so deep .i want HER happy with HIm beacuse i know HE is the one she wants to be happy with...now am smiling remembering her talk about this..of my god..:)))

Once again i could not hear her say " I LOVE YOU TOO " and the truth is i did not dare call her to say " I LOVE YOU MUCH "because if i did that , it would show how little i love her as this would remind her i miss her and this would not let her enjoy it better with the love of her life.I only want her to be the happiest of all and it counts less if its with who .I lit the other six candles and three were for her and her Bf and the other three were for my parents and my sister and her Bf who are also in heaven for sure...I love you , my lovely beautiful sister ...

Well as it is quite clear i can say I LOVE YOU too all these valentines but i cant hear I LOVE YOU TOO , RAY "from them .One thing is different in my last valentine and it is that OUR SOULS SAY I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER and by doing it this way we dont hurt anyone and we dont disrespect or cheat anyone .We talked about that just two weeks ago through one of our TEXTCHAT and we both agreed it was a good idea.I LOVE YOU MY SOUL LOVE for ever

ANOTHER POEM BUT THIS TIME FOR YOU ONLY ...

I Wish You Were My Valentine

I wish you were my Valentine
Though I may not be yours,
And I may, in my ignorance,
Be speaking to closed doors.
I have no inkling of your heart,
No hint what you might say;
But when I think of you the sun
Will just not go away.

There is in you a loveliness
That makes my darkness shine,
And so I'll wait, if wait I must,
To be your Valentine.

ALL KISSES AND HUGS AND SWEET WORDS ACCEPTED EVEN BELATED ONES :)THANKS

I would not mind getting kisses and hugs during this day and the truth is i need read them today tonight .I am not desperate but i feel i need it just like sometimes we need to hear someone tells us we are good for them :)

why should i accept just her love and not fighting using ANY means to have her in my arms too ?

2006-01-29T22:02:00.000+01:00

Yesterday , saturday , was a weird day for me.I woke up after two strange dreams and i after that i just could not sleep again though i already slept 8 hours.I started feeling the need to talk and speak things .It was snowing here and i went on net to read blogs as usual but this time i could not read much as i needed to talk but i was not able to get someone useful and serious to talk about these things . I was lucky to get textchatting a while and i finally closed the net and i went see snow from my window with a cup of hot chocolate and biscuits .It was a wonderful scene and i enjoyed it till my Reina started to scratch the door for me to let het go out in the snow as it was her time to go for a walk. The moment i let her out she started to run away to the nearest public park and i had no other alternative to run after her in case she gets run over by cars and the truth is i was not in a mood to go after her. When i finally got her after falling down twice , because of her dribling ability , before i could lay my hands on her (bitch ).I caught her and took her home and dried her feet and her hair cos snow flakes was all over her and after i smacked her , recriminating her for her behaviour a while ago.

She went on her sofa and stayed there sad , watching me from time to time.I felt guilty and i went to my cupboard , took out my snow boots and off i decided to go see more snow with Reina and i called my Mami from my car to tell her i would be away for the day and not to wait for us for lunch or dinner .To my surprise i could hear my papa , who was also at home , saying to my Mami to ask me where i was going and when i told them i was going to see snow away from the city they decided to join me and we all ended up in the car with heavy coats because it was already 6 degrees below zero.

My papa suggested a real nice place with a wonderful scenery with a ski station on the mountains of Teruel , 2020 metres high exactly the station of Valdelinares near valencia.We reached there and it continued snowing and we spent a real good time , especially Reina and my papa running after her like a kid of 12 . we had a couple of hot teas and biscuits in one of the cafes in that refuge.Then we finally decided to go back home as we only wanted to see the snow and not to skii or stay there etc.Half way down we were surprised by lot of snow on the road and we all decided to go back and spend the night there as it was very dangerous to keep driving as it was already getting dark at 3pm .

We stayed at a cheap place though very cosy and confy with all the basic needs , we even had a wooden furnace to sit by to talk and if we wanted we also had the aircon too and we all opted for the wooden fire place as it was romantic and my mami mentioned it used to be like this when people didnt have aircon or heaters and there was time for conversation among members of family and they had more time to listen to each other unlike now when television and internet has taken all our attention ha ha :)

At night after eating few spanish sandwiches with pork chops grilled on wood we were all relaxed and finally my papa asked me if I like a house like this for msyelf .I immediately replied with a big YES, OF COURSE..i would like to live in a wooden house with all the comfort and amenities but with a wooden fire place and with kids sitting around me and my wife , where we will be telling them stories of our own childhood and stories our parents told us etc. Imemdiately my mami starts to reminisce the good old days when we would all be at our old country house (small one which my mami inherited from her parents ) sitting by the fire on cold winter saturdays .She added " How nice it was to see sunil(This is me ) always with this smiling face and who will always put a happy face even when his Papa would scold him for not doing things properly . " They both started teling stories and i was listening.

Suddenly my papa said " if you like a wooden house with a wife with kids why don´t you start from the beginning ? Where is that fortunate will-be wife ? What are you waiting for ? We are getting old and we would like to see our son married , happy , with his own family " My mami immediately realized my papa was going on a difficult topic on that day (she was right as i was not in good mood ) and my mami knows me much more than my papa simply because i spend more time talking to her about my personal things . I smiled and answered " todo se andara , like saying well, with time things will come .." the usual stupid answer when one has a loss for words for any real and honest answer .

Finally my papa went to bed and there was only one bed and a long settee ( sofa type ).We decided to take only one room and like this we can save for our dinner and breakfast before heading for home the next day . We are simple people and we dont like wasting money and we only want warm bed , clean and tidy.It was very funny because i decided to sleep on sofa and let the room for the couple and they had mirrors on walls and ceilings in that place , reminding me of good motels for couples in urgent need when travelling :) I , myself , have used that service few times . My mami is very open and she has an easy laugh ( i inherit this from her ) and she said " sunil , why have you got us a room like this ? Want us to have our last honeymoon here ? " " And she joked asking my papa to get ready for the night "

My mami didnt go to her room with my papa , she stayed on the sofa with me by sitting by my side and we talked talked long .I felt as if it was calculated , as if i planned it to be like this .I am sure not even a good planning would have ended up like saturday night.God knows and miracles exist.

it was already 1am and we could hear papa snoring ( not noisily though )in deep sleep and my mami said to me , your papa got tired waiting for me . See , sunil ?When we were younger he would not sleep till i go to bed..enjoy the youth you have now and always think positive . You will always get everything you work for but have faith .

She asked me " sunil , tell me what you want to talk because i know you need it " I told her i remember her telling me that LOVE is mysterious and when it appears one should always say one wants it and accepts it because if one takes long to answer love will pass and one loses his opportunity.Then i told her that in february last year 2005 , i had the opportunity to say yes to LOVE because i was asked about it and i did not reply with a SURE and FIRM YES but stammering or avoiding the real question and now i regret not having answered YES , following what she has taught me .

My mami knows everything without me having to tell her , especially in heart things.She asked me not to torture myself because my situation and that person´s is different ."She is in love with that man before you appeared but she also loves you and women , we make difference between loving and falling in love , sunil ." She told me i would always have her love because i gave her respect and understanding and a woman always value and take sensitivity into great account .She said " Because you love her you are backing her and you want the best for her , too .the reason why you did not seize that opportunity when asked was because i taught you not to take advantage of a woman who is suffering and who needs a shoulder to cry on and you showed me you are a gentleman, sunil .

I could not bear it and i had to say it and i said it " WHAT DO I NEED TO HAVE HER LOVE FOR AND WHY DO I NEED TO BE A GENTLE MAN IF I DON´T HAVE HER IN MY ARMS ? I HAVE THE LOVE AND SOMEONE ELSE AHS LOVE AND HER "

She replied "sunil , do you want her to suffer ? Do you want to have someone to spend the rest of your life with without her knowing for sure if she gave her all to save the relationship she had with the person she fell in love with ?Would you be happy if one day she finds out she still loves him and can be with him after marrying you ?Will it be good for your kids to be in such a situation ?

It is better to never have her in your arms BY PLAYING MEAN than to have her knowing you did not help her find out first if she really wanted to stop with that first one. It is much better for you not to have her in your arms and to have her love (I am sure she will always feel it for you , sunil )to know you have played clean with them both (Any gentlemen should do ).It is better for yourself and in the eyes of God to let go with dignity rather than keep because of selfishness. Dont torture yourself, sunil , You did not do wrong , you did it well by not answering YES straightaway.Always love with honesty even if you know that by telling the truth you may lose a chance .

When i woke up at around 6am my head was still on my mami´s lap and she was awake ( though she told me she slept too ).We were sharing a blanket and i remember she was caressing my hair( well my baldie , where there used to be long hair )She kissed my forehead and said go get us breakfast,Tonto :)I smiled and i stood up kissed her forehead too and thanked her. I slept well and i smiled and i understood life a bit better though i had a dream while resting my head on her lap on saturday night..

The first thing i did when i got home was to text my soulfriend and smiled with her and made her smile too . I already have a lot and whatever comes is just additional rewards and if nothing else comes i will enjoy it the rest of my life knowing i helped make two people happy ( especially my soulfriend)

Sometimes even when we are in our thirties wes till need a mother´s cuddling and advice .At least in my case it is and am happy it snowed and we got trapped..Thanks for the miracle , Lord

Where am I going next and how did I get HERE?

2006-01-19T17:28:00.000+01:00

Thursdays will never be same anymore

Last Thursday i was just tidying my office drawer and i came across something and it says "HAPPINESS WILL COME TO YOU,STOP SEARCHING. " i suddenly remember Happiness has been just round the corner a few times for me but i did not know how to keep HER(La felicidad) or make HER mine because it flew away as fast as it appeared.Yes i said well,In my language HAPPINESS is feminine.

I have twice touched it but was not able to retained it.The first time i was left without it i said to myself " if ever a chance like this happen again i will hold it tight and lock it and not any keys in the world will be able to let it fly away again. "

When it happened this second time i forgot what i told myself the first time and probably i thought it would be definite but once again this asshole of me just let it fly away again.

Thursdays used to be special for me and today it is still special but in a different way.Thursdays used to be the day am completely free and have the full day to go church , chat with happiness , laugh and talk on phone for hours ( and this will often make me not go to mass because i forgot it was time for mass he he ).I would always pray for Thursdays to come again and my workmates would comment that Thursdays is the day to ask Ray for things or favours and the truth is they were right.I was always in good mood.

I would never accept work on any thursdays ( except twice because a mate had an accident and i ahd to take her over. )All my plans would revolve around what i would do and i would do other things ONLY if HAPPINESS was busy lol...

Now on thursdays i still go mass , laugh , smile but i do not have HAPPINESS around though i can feel HER still.The difference is that now on Thursdays i do not know how to spend it.When i stay home am nervous because i do not know what to do on chat , i just surf and read HAPPINESS blog and other blogs which are close to HAPPINESS.I end up getting pissed and will take my wife (Reina ) to the beach and kill time.lately i have decided go to work though it is my day off and still i miss important things.If i go 1 hour before my shift starts i reminisce about talks and laugh in HER presence (thousand of kms away from me )

Today is Thursday and am home and am bored.I decided to write this because a friend of HAPPINESS asks me to write as it helps make one feel better after writing.I am not complaining but am only saying i dont feel Thursdays feel like Thursdays anymore.

But one thing which will never fly away is what i kept inside me when HAPPINESS was always here and this helps me smile , laugh thinking of those great, though short time , moments .

I know how i got here:) It was a miracle but now am asking myself where am i going next...Who knows ? God knows :) I love HER ...

MI VIDA

2006-01-10T14:58:00.000+01:00

Estoy enamorado :) Que hago ?Dimelo tu ........

ANG GANDA GANDA GANDA GANDA GANDA GANDA GANDA MO , DIYOSA

2006-01-07T20:08:00.000+01:00

I love this song and everytime i hear this song I cannot avoid getting goosebumps and i cant stop thinking of someone, of someone who is so far in kms and at the same time so close .I thought i saw beauty but since the day i saw her for the first time i realized what i thought was beauty was only part of it.Now i know i have seen the real complete beauty.I am in love with her ....

My life is brilliant

*Musical Pause*

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

(chorus)
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause Ill never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

(chorus)
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful.
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you.

(La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la, Laaah)

There must be an angel, with a smile on her face,
when she thought that I should be with you

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

MY PRAYER

2006-01-03T10:43:00.000+01:00

Serenity prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

CHRISTMAS WILL ALWAYS BE CHRISTMAS IN OUR HEART NO MATTER WHAT...

2005-12-26T13:00:00.000+01:00

I have always looked forward to the coming of Christmas season and unlike other people i have talked to for years i do not get emotional or feels down at Christmastime and am not saying people do not have reasons(Lots of personal reasons to feel this way).I was taught to always look at the positive part of anything , be it bad news or bad events one should always find something positive out of it and to hold it and stand by making it our strength.My parents and very especially my mami have always been like this and i am proud of them to have shown me to live when i was just a beginner and today i can live in peace and with peace in my heart often.

I know christmas is the time when family get together and it is the time when we tend to remember those we have not even paid attention to for the rest of the year (bad thing to do as we should always remember those we love and not necessarily at christmas).For months we would hear those songs at malls reminding us of These special days and people.I heard many people get emotioned when they hear those songs and many say they dont like Christmas because of this sad feeling.I could not understand them as i have never felt like this though i have a big reason to feel sad at one christmas (I lost the girl who i was supposed to share the rest of my life with ).

This chrsitmas things happened in my family.My papa who is fighting a cancer and who is succeeding through the love and help of someone (in the philippines,where else can she be from if not there ) who always find remedy for him.He has overcome the worst part through prayers and love , love he feels from his wonderful wife (at least my wonderful mother ).Suddenly i found out my papa starts to behave and feel like what people felt at Chrsitmas.He would wake up crying and three days ago i found out my mami would catch him crying at night as well (in the bathroom).The reason for this is we lost someone we all love with our soul , someone so dear to us all.My sister got killed together with her fiance on a beautiful island , which i will not mention here .

I never expected my papa to behave like this . Now i understand that sometimes it is not easy to predict one thing and put it to practice always , as there is a moment when we can´t control.From time to time i had to mute the tv when christmas songs will be sung...I continued praying asking God to help him overcome this.he even mentioned not celebrating christmas because my sister is not with us and out of respect I did not argue when he cancelled our traditional trip to a small island near my hometown to celebrate christmas.My Mami and i , we love and let others love us but we never let things affect those who can be near us and who are alived.We all love my sister but by crying and not celebrating it what difference can this make ?I even remember when i was brokenheart my mami reminds me "Sunil , I know you are sad and you have motive to cry and not celebrate but what wrong have your siblings and friends do to get only your tears on such special days ?"This made me stronger and i prayed and people were happy around me once more.

This time it was me who should do something to help my Papa and believe me it is not an easy task at all.I started going to church(anyway i always go church) but i mean this time i went to the nine christmas dawn masses and i completed them all and i was rewarded :)it is not a big thing to get up from bed at 3:30am and drive 1 hour to Monserrat, a place about 80 minutes from home if what wea re doing is for someone we love and care.Unlike other churches in the cities this one was not packed and i guess because one has to drive through snow and mud and rain at times.I am proud i was able to complete it and to be rewarded.

Before the 24th i was sad looking at my papa , always in a pensive mood ,though we would be with him he looks lost in thought.I promise myself i must get a smile out this tough guy before christmas day and before Misa De Gallo.I know i can if i dedicate love and time to it.In one of my prayers,i remember quite well on the 24th ,i said "God,why is it so hard for you to grant me something am not even asking for myself but for someone else who is in need ?" " why cant you show me the way to make someone smile as i know this smile will make others smile too ?""I will not ask you anything for me at all for a full year but grant me what am asking for my family and my friend,i beg you ".

When i arrived home , i started cooking for my parents and i brought my things to my parents house to spend these days with them as i live on my own all year round .Something pushed me stay in their house after i begged God that way i did . He did not want to eat as he said he only want to drink juice and eat an apple after i have cooked delicious things.Suddenly i felt an urge and i could not contain it inside me any longer and i shoot it at him.I said "Papa,how many children you have and how many you really love?"he stayed quiet and he did not reply and i added "please, papa answer because am in doubt now "I saw tears in his eyes and i felt stronger(something was inside my heart,which make me continue)and i could hear my mami saying "Sunil,por favor " "i always thought you love us all equal but now am feeling you love me and my other sister and my mami less than how you love my sister who is not with us anymore" "how come because you have lost one daughter you forget the happiness of your wife and other children?""why deprive us , who are healthy and by your side still ,of something so basic as a smile, a hug."Mami suffered when you were sick and knowing you were dieing she never stopped smiling with us and for us, all because she really love us "."My sister will smile from heaven if you smile because she loves us all ".

My papa stood up and hugged me and cried and suddenly he said "lets see what you have cooked which smell so inviting".At table he gave us his first smile when i told him "papa,today you have made me put into practice what you have always taught me and am proud to have parents like you" he lifted his glass of wine and we all imitated him.Finally my mami said him "where are my flowers which you always give me before christmas eve dinner?"he stood up ran to the neighbours garden and picked a rosebud for my mami and he said "next time i will get you a bunch,my love "

I got the smile from him and God helps me get it and what is more important...when i was tidying his large desk in his office at home he was watching me and he finally said.."Sunil , why dont you stay here with us a bit " and my reply to him was another smile :)

At night i felt a bit tired and needed to talk and i came online but could not find the person i love to talk to (she said she would be online but did not know the time har har )but just when i was about to disconnect another friend appeared and she said she came to check which people were online though she was about to leave the house and she said she was not expecting anything as she was already late but just felt like connecting before leaving house and she asked me"have you ever felt like doing somehting nonsense but you just do it wihtout knowing why ?I shut up and gave her a smile . she was going out with her group but when i told her i was here to talk a bit and i find no one ,she immediately offered to stay 30 minutes and she ended up staying 2 hours and then had to leave because of compromises she already took with others.Santa Claus exist or shall i say Miracles :)

I will always enjoy what i have at every single moment so when i dont have it anymore i will not stay in sadness thinking how much i miss it now that i dont have it but enjoy i once i ahd it and i enjoyed it fully.No need to miss what we did not care to be with when we could.Life is short but there is always enough time to enjoy it fully , we only have to live it with a positive mind .I LOVE GOD AND I LOVE LIFE...THE SAME

What am listening right now

2005-12-06T09:41:00.000+01:00

I came to write but i ended here listening to music and lazing around.listening to Jon secada singing in both Englsih and Spanish :)

Morning alone
When you come home
I breath a little faster
Every time we're together
It'd never be the same
If you're not here
How can you stay away, away so long.

Why can't we stay together
Give me a reason
Give me a reason.

[Chorus]
I, I don't wanna say it
I don't wanna find another way
Make it trough the day without you
It's just another day

Making the time
Find the right lines
What do I have to tell you

I'm just trying to hold on to something
(Trying to hold on to something good)
Give us a chance to make it.

Don't wanna hold on to never
I'm not that strong
I'm not that strong.

I, I don't wanna say it
I don't wanna find another way
Make it trough the day without you
I, I can't resist
Trying to find exactly what I miss
It's just another day without you.

Why can't you stay forever
Just give me a reason
Give me a reason.

Another one
Soy un hombre y como un hombre quiero hablarte
Y decirte lo que siento dentro de mi
Me haces falta, sin ti no puedo vivir
Mas te quiero y no te puedo olvidar
Y penetrar tu mundo oscuro y explorarte
Es todo lo que anhelo, es la realidad
Descubrir lo que es falso y lo que es verdad
Que te hace sonarm que te hace sonar.

Y quiero sentir, lo que es vivir
Soy tuyo por dentro
Te quiero de veras
Soy tuyo por dentro, tuyo por fuera
Mi alma te espera.

Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh Digo
Que quiero mas de ti.

Que dolor, que dolor, no tener tu amor
Necesito con urgencia tu pasion
Llega que no aguanta mi corazon
Me mata el suspenso la emocion
Por tenerte aqui eres mi religion
No puedo detener esta obsesion
Me pones a volar la imaginacion
Por tener tu amor, por tener tu amor.

Es que sin ti, yo no soy feliz
Soy tuyo por dentro
Te quiero de veras
Soy tuyo por dentro, tuyo por fuera
Mi alma te espera.

Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh Digo
Que quiero mas, yeah.

Quiero sentir
Lo que es vivir
Dime, dime mi amor.

Es que sin ti, yo no soy feliz
Dime lo que sientes dentro de ti
Y quiero sentir lo que es vivir.

Soy tuyo por dentro
Te quiero de veras
Soy tuyo por dentro, tuyo por fuera
Mi alma te espera.

Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh

Quiero, quiero, quiero mas
Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, oh
Quiero mas, quiero mas.

Soy tuyo por dentro...

Homage to a beautiful princess with silk fingers and much more beautiful mind :)

2005-11-24T00:45:00.000+01:00

I was surfing to kill time as my chat friend was not here(as usual )ha ha..she is sleeping because she has lot of work to do for class.I am an adherent follower of her and i have found many many things with her name and one day am going to post things which have her name.

Tonight i found an article of hers on a magazine on october 28th 2000.I did not even know her at that time and according to her she did not even know any of those people who have made her feel bad for some years.

I will paste it here just as i saw it and will keep looking for more and i may as well surprise her with her own writings, which she may have forgotten about.I miss this person presence, writing etc. etc . keep writing and let us all enjoy the thing you do best among otehr many htings which you do just well :P

God bless you

Story by Althea Lauren Ricardo

Art Jason Moss

Something odd is up with Marius' computer. Will he be able to convince his family that whatever it is out to get him?
THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENT WAS FOUND AMONG THE COMPUTER FILES OF MARIUS, MISSING SINCE OCT. 15.

My computer has an engkanto inside it.

Nobody at home believes me. Tatay thinks it has a virus and suggests a virus scan. Nanay says it's just broken and I should ask Tatay to bring it to the computer shop. Ate Lani believes my imagination is working overtime again and insists that I stop watching animé.

Easy for them to say. They don't see it when the computer leaks out green slime that mysteriously vanishes. Or they're not there when a stinky, sewer-smelling black gas seeps from the monitor's ventilation holes. A dark face with glowing red eyes even peeks from inside the monitor!

I don't think anybody would ever believe me unless they see it for themselves. But those things only happen late at night, when I'm the only one up and about.

LIKE LAST NIGHT, for example. Nanay and Tatay were already in bed. I was sulking in my room because I had tried to bring up the engkanto during dinner, and they all dismissed it as usual. Tatay and Ate Lani laughed, and Nanay just smiled and shook her head.

Feeling hurt and angry, I remember staring at the ceiling from my bed. The ceiling is witness to the things that have been happening in my room. I'd have an easier time convincing the ceiling than my family, I said to myself.

Suddenly, a hand-or was it a claw?-gripped my leg tightly and I was pulled halfway off the bed. I was too shocked to shout, but I saw that the hand was attached to a long, hairy arm that was reaching out from the computer at the other end of my room! And it was pulling me toward it! I held on to the bed and frantically kicked at the hand with my free foot. It held on even tighter. I sat up and reached for my tsinelas and hammered blows at the hand. Surprisingly, it let go and slithered back inside the monitor. Panting, I climbed back on my bed and curled up as far away as possible from the computer. The engkanto had never really attacked me before.

Today, I am beginning this journal. I would have to write during the day because the engkanto never shows any sign of its presence during daylight. My computer is pretty much normal before sunset, another reason why I cannot convince my family. Each day, I plan to write down what happened during the previous night. If I gather enough information, someone is bound to believe me: if not Nanay and Tatay or Ate Lani, maybe other people. I plan to e-mail my writings and request everyone to forward it.

THINGS HAVE become worse lately. The face in the monitor has been appearing more often. Sometimes, it stares at me while I sleep and eventually I wake up with the feeling that somebody is watching. Then, when I bolt upright in my bed, the face laughs gleefully, as if it's main goal was only to bother me.

The green slime has increased in volume. Before, it would just cover my desk and then disappear. Lately, I've had to walk around it because it's all over the floor, covering my shoes, the rug and my animé figures.

And the black gas that smells like imburnal! It clings to my clothes. Nanay can actually smell it on me, but since it smells like an imburnal she only scolds me for being dirty. Not even the fact that I don't really have too many friends to play with can convince her that the smell comes from the engkanto inside my computer. She'd rather believe I have my own estero inside my room.

Things have been happening earlier, too. The engkanto probably knows nobody believes me, and is braver for it. Some nights ago, Ate Lani was in my room, searching for her Backstreet Boys CD, insisting it was mixed-up with my PlayStation games. I was watching her rummage through my stuff, when the black gas suddenly floated toward her from behind the monitor.

"What's that smell?" Ate Lani said, sniffing. She turned around and the black gas evaporated. "Your room is a pigsty, Marius!"

I tried to explain it was the engkanto.

"Maybe you got the engkanto from the Internet!" Ate Lani interrupted. Then she left my room laughing.

When she closed the door, the engkanto was laughing with her.

I am tired of being scared all the time. I've tried to sleep in the sala, but Tatay just gets mad at me and tells me to go back to my room. He refuses to let me move my computer to another room.

"First you ask us to buy such an expensive gadget, and now you're trying to get rid of it?" he burst out angrily. If there's another thing I'm afraid of aside from the engkanto, it's my Tatay's anger.

Nanay suggested that maybe I shouldn't play my violent computer games anymore, that maybe I should just stick with Dance Revo. A lot of help that will be.

I'm scared that the engkanto might try to get me again and succeed. Maybe it was just teasing the other night, giving me a taste of things to come. After all, I did hit it with only a tsinelas. I have a feeling it's not going to give up easily next time. But I'm not only scared: I'm angry too. After all, my computer was my best friend until the engkanto began to use it for his domain. Two can play this game. It uses my computer to terrorize me, I can also use it to get rid of him.

At least I have the day to use the computer to look for help. I can log on to the Internet and reach out. SOMEONE in this planet will believe me then. I have to hurry, because for all I know, the engkanto might start appearing during the day too. But what if the engkanto actually knows how to use the computer? Would it know what I'm trying to do? Would it try to stop me?

Probably not. After all, I've been typing pages and pages of this journal and if the engkanto knows what I've been planning, it would do something to stop me now, like cause my computer to crash or pull the plug or som-

(Althea graduated with a degree in Creative Writing from the University of the Philippines in Diliman, Quezon City. Jason is a freelance illustrator and painter. )

MY OKCUPID TEST

2005-11-19T20:03:00.000+01:00

The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm)

Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer.

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor or The Sonnet
YOUR EXACT OPPOSITE:The Hornivore

Random Brutal Sex Master

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: raysunil

It is not always good to show you dont need or expect ....

2005-11-13T19:22:00.000+01:00

I am the type of person who always find great pleasures in small things.Routine does not make me bored , on the contrary ,when this routine gets broken i feel strange or sad. This saturday i woke up thinking it will be like all the previous saturdays and i was even thinking what i will be doing and at what time i will be doing them etc. It is my simple way of enjoying and getting the pleasure while still prepating the way for my particular happiness on a saturday.I also used to prepare happiness before i go work on week days.

Happiness has always been the search of mankind and we keep looking for it sometimes spending a lifetime.For me happiness is not that something we want to reach in the end.I have realized that the real happiness is the time and moment i spend preparing for it and it should neither be a long journey towards it nor a too short one but one where i am given enough time to taste it and linger it for days, weeks months and few times even a year or two :)

This can be applied to the way i see pleasure ( yes sexual pleasure ).An orgasm is marvellous ( no doubt) but how long can it lasts ? the time i take to prepare for it is where i get the maximum pleasure as one expects it to come but later and later.The later the better as it means more time towards pleasure but enjoying pleasure without even realizing pleasure is already in the preparation :)

When i wanted my first car(my parents never gave me one )i spent one full year working partime at weekend and saving but every sunday evening i would go home to read about the different characteristics of the three cars i dreamt to have.I would look at them , imagining myself sitting on the drivers seat with someone (any one i could not distinguish any face at the time though if it were now i would know who )sitting by my side. Then with time i started passing by that Toyoto car shop and watch it closer in three dimension. But the pleasure from car magazine to car shops were doubled.

After two years i was not able to buy that car because i could not save enough but finally after i got my first job after my studies i was able to buy my first car on an installment basis system.I remember i had to pay around 60000 pesetas ( around 400 euros today) and my salary was only 900 Euros :) But if you want me to be honest once i got that car i did not feel that happiness much , yes i was happy but not as happy as those two years working part time , looking at those magazines and looking at those cars in the shops.I was really more happy those two years with just desiring it than when getting it. But of course after getting it i dedicate more time taking care of it though never love it as it was simply a thing, a car.Had it been someone then things would have been different.

Happines is not what we look for but the road we initiate towards it.I live to the maximum or limit every single day but my short experience has also taught me to be more patient. I rarely complain about things and probably because of this on some occasions people may think am happy as i am and i dont need anything more than what i have and they just take me for granted as if i am happy all the time so what for worry for him.In my language we say " EL QUE NO LLORA NO MAMA " The one who does not cry (complain) does not get this share of food (milk).But the truth is i cannot complain as i always find the positive sides of things and i trust God knows why he makes me go through thing. Except this saturday i was a little bit pissed ( different from complain)because i expected a minimum.

So Saturday i was hoping for the same routine day, which may not be much for most people but frankly this routine is something i like doing every saturday. I was ready to go online ( i did go ) to start sending text messages to my FRIEND ( yes in singular )which i did.Then when my lunch comes or the time before my lunch i will text and call to talk a bit, so my FRIEND will not feel lonely or just to make her feel especial(And SHE is especial to me,seems she does not get it yet ),This part never happened as i did not get any reply after.I am patient( well i was patient ) then i started to get a bit pissed with myself (It is as if i was not doing thing properly )

Normally things on a saturday will end up with a text either saying " Am on my way home " or " I am home now ,want to chat ?" After the last text a short phone call to say goodnight will follow or simply texts chats till sleep overcome my FRIEND :)I did not get any of those two texts and i went bed with the feeling of failure and worries, too.I have enough reason to worry.

So this morning i woke up 4am and was in Montserrat by 5:20am just in time for the mass and i prayed asking for my friend to feel better and get in touch with me as soon as possible.As usual i also prayed for her best friend, too, to be better etc.When i reached home ,i went online to see if i was left messages on yahoo and i suddenly got a text saying "went out shopping with family& going to mass now "I believe God did HIS job making my friend realizes i am not made of iron , i am human and also need attention some time :)yesterday I went through a worst day but i have learnt to not always give the impression i am happy with ANYTHING or just NOTHING :)

Now after my friend´s text i just accept things went that way for God wanted us both learn somehting new for our own benefit.Next saturday is still far :)But i would be sad to lose MY SATURDAY the way i have been having it so far.After mass i will be talking to my friend for sure on the phone and after i have the intention of writing about feelings :)Right now i can hear her voice saying " YOU WISH " Hearing this makes me happy.The truth is both of us need simple things to be happy and this is one of the many reasons SHE is my ESPECIAL FRIEND . I L U , My friend, Ang ganda ganda ganda mo :)

sending an SOS to the world..

2005-11-10T16:08:00.000+01:00

Today am a bit lazy and i was supposed to be at office already but am still here texting someone i am really proud of.Probably this is the reason am still online now and still at home. I am going to paste a song i have been listening to today after listening to The Divinyls famous song " I Touch myself " I like " especially For you " and i only wish one day......

Especially for you
I wanna let you know what I was
Going through
All the time we were apart I thought
Of you
You were in my heart
My love never changed
I still feel the same

Especially for you
I wanna tell you I was feeling that
Way too
And if dreams were wings, you
Know
I would have flown to you
To be where you are
No matter how far
And now that I’m next to you

No more dreaming about
Tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the sorrow
I’ve got to say
It’s all because of you

And now were back together,
Together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is
Especially for you

Especially for you
I wanna tell you, you mean all the world to me
How I’m certain that our love was
Meant to be
You changed my life
You showed me the way
And now I’m next to you

I’ve waited long enough to find you
I wanna put all the hurt behind you
And I wanna bring out all the love
Inside you, oh and
Now were back together, together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is
Especially for you

You were in my heart
My love never changed
And now that I’m next to you
No more dreaming about
Tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the
Sorrow
I’ve got to say
It’s all because of you

And Now were back together, together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is
Especially for you

Together, together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is
Especially for you

Life is a big theatre and we are the principal characters

2005-11-08T00:55:00.000+01:00

What is life? Life is sometimes so enjoyable, and sometimes it sucks. it does not matter what life is but one must know that one's life revolves around oneself.I try think of this always though i do care for others too.I have a good experience , well my soulfriend is through a hard experience right now and just yesterday she felt a magical hand pulling her a bit of that burning fire she had been in continously. This will be another entry soon.

In the game of life, there are many different types of people. Some people live life so that they can become famous in their surroundings, others live life so that they can have a fancy car and a big house, others live just so they can buy the books they love and need (my soulfriend is special person on this)or feel happy with the person they love and pray for the person they want to share their lives with and in return they only ask the loved person to feel this love.Is this so difficult to fulfill? Is it not more difficult to find a person who will want to make you feel she loves you?I am sure it is much more difficult.

I live life so that I can be free, free to choose where I live, what time I wake up, what I buy, what I eat. I believe that without freedom life is not worth living. I love my friends, I have few, not to say one, i know they would stand up for me. I want to love and feel someone is sending me this love. Without love i cannot be happy as love is the basis of everything. Some are lucky because they are loved but they don't even take the time to accept it while others we expect to be loved. I cannot complain yet as my four-foot wife (Reina)stil kisses and lick my hands when i get home.

Many people think I'm weird because I don't always go with the crowd, i don't follow fashion trends, I have different hobbies compared to most (not the superficial things), I don't like pubs, my dreams and my goals in life are completely out of fashion. I guess i would like to spend a rainy cold winter with good coffee next to the fire with a good music and if someone you LOVE is near you so much the better and many many other things, which i will not mention here. This is difficult to find as we don't always get what we want but what we can get :)Long live those who have found their other half¡ Enjoy and stop complaining because others we still are waiting but never lose hope :P

I believe in God and i am happy right now but i can also be happier. "Somewhere on the street lies a door to my world, find that street then you'll find me."

My prayer for Someone especial to me ...YOU

2005-10-09T04:46:00.000+02:00

I have just sent God a small and fervent prayer for you and am sure that he heard me because I felt the response in my heart.

I asked neither for wealths nor world reputation as i know that they would not matter for you but the best blessings of a treasure that would last eternally.

I asked him to be next to you from the beginning to the end of every day and to grant to you good health and friends for all your life. I made this small prayer for you with desires of immense happiness and what i wanted more was for His Grand protection :)

Love you

You will never walk alone

2005-10-08T10:51:00.000+02:00

If there's something that needs fixing
I'm the man to see
Look me up, I'm listed
Just check under "B"
If you're ever on the spot
Well, I'm good with my hands
24-7 I'm your handyman
Odd jobs, hard jobs, anything under the sun
Big jobs, small jobs, baby

I'd be a rich man, it's true
If I could make a living out of lovin' you
These two hands know what to do
If I could make a living out of lovin' you
I could make a living out of lovin' you

Until the work is finished
Well, I don't get paid
I don't mind getting dirty
That's my middle name
I'm in the service business
So I understand
Call me 24-7, I'm your handyman

Odd jobs, hard jobs, anything under the sun
Big jobs, small jobs, baby

I'd be a rich man, it's true
If I could make a living out of lovin' you
These two hands know what to do
If I could make a living out of lovin' you
If I could make a living out of lovin' you

Tough jobs, rough jobs, say where and when
I'll leave you my card, call when you need me again
Odd jobs, hard jobs, baby

I'd be a rich man, it's true
If I could make a living out of lovin' you
These two hands know what to do
If I could make a living out of lovin' you
I'd be a rich man, it's true
I could make a living out of lovin' you
I'm a rich man
I could make a living out of lovin' you

Now i believe in Chinese astrology more :)

2005-10-07T00:41:00.000+02:00

Finally am back to my blog again and the truth is i miss the one and unique visit i get here and I am proud because she must either love me or pity me so much to come visit this boring blog.

She has not come online lately because she is taking a few days rest and once she comes online she will surely come read this so i will feel her backing and her many corrections :)

In my last entry i said i only believe in horoscope when i like what i read etc and if i do not like it i will say i do not believe :P Today i have come across the Chinese astrology and the truth is it fits me well, at least today, and i am happy to enter this on my blog.

It is not only because of what it says about me only (I am the ROOSTER ) but about waht it says in the end about compatibility.By the way , talking about my chinese horoscope it reminds me of when one friend asked me to be the rooster and go for .... I have heard about chinese horoscope from a good friend of mine , who happens to be SNAKE. But i have never dared try it with my date of birth till today and the truth is i like what i found :)Long live the snake !!

The Rooster is the strutting peacock of the Chinese Zodiac! These quick thinkers are practical and resourceful, preferring to stick to what is tried and true rather than taking messy, unnecessary risks. Roosters are keenly observant. It's hard to slip anything past a Rooster, since they seem to have eyes in the backs of their heads! This quality can lead others to think the Rooster is psychic, but that's not generally the case; instead, this Sign enjoys a keen attention to detail that makes it a whiz at anything requiring close analysis. Roosters make great lawyers, brain surgeons and accountants, to name a few of this Sign's possible occupations. Above all else, the Rooster is very straightforward and rewards others' honesty in kind.

Roosters aren't shifty or cagey and have no interest in hiding behind a facade. They are the proverbial open book, telling the truth and keeping their word. If you show your hand, the Rooster will respect you for it. This kind of trusting behavior can tempt tricksters to pull a fast one on the Rooster, but that would be a bad move! Remember, this Sign doesn't indulge in flights of fancy and keeps those eyes wide open at all times.

Roosters tend to be perfectionists and expect to be in control, especially over their appearance. Primping and posing for the Rooster can go on forever! Being noticed and admired is an aphrodisiac for Roosters, and they can go a long time on a few kind words. Roosters also adore being out on the town, especially if they're in the company of adoring friends. The Rooster will also be the best-dressed one of the bunch -- style counts with this Sign, regardless of the cost.

Roosters also expect to be in control of their surroundings, including whoever happens to be in those surroundings. Roosters keep an impeccably neat house and expect their lovers, housemates and family members to maintain the same high standards of dress and conduct as they do. This can cause problems with other, more relaxed types who just want to be accepted as is. The Rooster needs the right partner, one who understands this Sign's basically conservative nature. With the right person, the Rooster can be the most loyal, trusting and supportive mate around, one who bends over backward to please its loved ones. Some Signs may just end up feeling hen-pecked, however.

Roosters need to learn to value their heart and soul as much as their good looks. Their excellent people skills and sharp minds are qualities that others will appreciate as much as a pretty face. This Sign would also do well to learn to adopt the philosophy of "live and let live"; perhaps an appeal to the Rooster's logic -- that it's inefficient to waste time nagging others -- will help this Sign learn to let others be whomever and however they are.

The most compatible match for a Rooster is the Ox or the Snake.

Diplomatic and popular, the Snake has the sensual art of seduction down. This Sign is an interesting mix of gregariousness paired with introversion, intuitive reasoning paired with savvy business skills. Snakes are considered to be lucky with money and will generally have more than enough to live life to the fullest, regardless of how important it considers money to be; this may be due to the fact that Snakes tend to be rather tight with cash. They're not stingy, they're simply more mentally than physically active. Snakes tend to hang back a bit in order to analyze a situation before jumping into it. Their charming, seductive quality actually belies a rather retiring nature; this Sign is perfectly happy to spend the whole day curled up with a good book and, thus, can be mislabeled as being lazy.

The Snake is somewhat insecure deep down and tend to be a rather jealous, possessive lover, behavior that can end up alienating loved ones. Despite these less-than-stellar tendencies, however, the Snake often proves irresistible and is a generous, loving partner.. Slightly dangerous and disarmingly smart, the Snake's philosophical and intuitive mind generally supersedes logic in favor of feelings and instinct. Snakes will rely on their own gut reactions and intuitions before turning to others for suggestions. This makes this Sign a great hand in any business venture, possessing the caution and smarts needed to get ahead.

Snakes are hard workers (when they see good reason to be!) and are possessed of a keen intelligence. Snakes have incredible follow-through, once they get going, and they expect the same from others. Thus, their coworkers and employees had best stay on their toes, lest they anger the Snake and suffer its poisonous bite!

In general, of course, Snakes are generous and genteel, charming and appealing. Snakes must try to learn humility and to develop a stronger sense of self. Once Snakes realize that confidence comes from within, they will finally be comfortable in their own skin.

The most compatible match for the Snake is the Rooster or the Ox

Compatibility YES Compatibility NO

2005-10-03T07:35:00.000+02:00

Today i am alone again at home as i usually love staying home.I am not sure if i love staying home or it is because when i stay home i usually have my soul mate here with me though i should say "online" with me. I am bored again and i started looking for things to read and i finally ended with Horoscopes for the week. It reminds me when i would often joke whenever my best friend and i would play with compatibility etc and i would paste those positive things i find about compatibility and i would neevr paste the negative ones, of course :P

But she will be looking for the same thing and she is the type of person who paste everything (this is how it should be really ) and when she would underline the negative things then i would immediately say "I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THESE THINGS."

Anyway this is what i found and i am going to post it here as i found it although YOU(yes YOU) know my English is much betetr than what am going to copy here :P har har... In the first place i will talk about HER because (1) she is older than me (2) She is is above anyone.

The sign Scorpio is symbolized by the Scorpion.

Your sign's element is Water. Scorpio is ruled by the planet Pluto.
You are very intense, strong willed, determined and secretive. Nothing escapes your attention. Scorpio can let tensions build to the exploding point. Investigation and research play a big part in your life. Scorpio is a deep thinker with a fine mind. You love a good fight, and then wonder why the other person is angry. Scorpio is forceful and courageous. Scorpio is usually interested in anything that has to do with the occult.

Possible negative aspects of the sign Scorpio:
You can be willful, vindictive, jealous, sullen, bitter and sarcastic. You can have a temper. You may misuse sex.

Ruling Planet Pluto

- Planet Pluto Facts -
Distance from Sun: 2.9 billion to 4.6 billion miles
(4.7 billion to 7.4 billion km)
Mass: 0.0025 Earth's mass
Diameter: 1,430 miles (2,302 km)
Length of Day: 6.39 Earth days
Length of Year: 248 Earth years
Surface Gravity: 0.08 that of Earth
(If you weigh 90 lbs, you would weigh about 7 lbs on Pluto)
Known moons: 1

Pluto is change, sudden upheaval, revolt, rebellion, but always acts in order to make better conditions. It is complete transformation. It rules Urban Renewal so this is a classic example of how it operates. It demolishes and then builds anew.
Pluto rules death and at the same time rebirth - since its discovery the reincarnation theory has once more spread throughout the world. This is death for a purpose - to be reborn again, hopefully under new and better conditions if the soul has earned the right.

Pluto rules psychics, the underground or that which is buried, rockets and exploration of outer space. It is secretive in that it develops something undercover and then, when the time is right or an aspect develops in your chart, brings it out into the open and causes complete transformation or upheaval.

Pluto rules Scorpio and therefore retains all the qualities and characteristics of that sign and the 8th solar house. Now that its influence is becoming stronger responsibilities will undergo a complete change - for example, woman's lib. Shortly the divorce laws will change so that men are no longer solely responsible for their children's support. Pluto brings pressure to bear on whatever house it is in.

Pressures build up to the exploding point. Pluto can also cause high blood pressure
when aspecting a planet in the sign of Aquarius or mental break- down when aspecting Mercury (usually the conjunction) or emotional break-downs when aspecting Venus in an adverse manner.

The sign Sagittarius is symbolized by the Archer.

Your sign's element is Fire. Sagittarius is ruled by the planet Jupiter.
You have a lot of nervous energy and are very optimistic. Sagittarius will overlook details so that the overall picture can be considered. Sagittarius is warm and friendly. You like to talk a great deal making it difficult for others to get a word in edgewise. Sagittarius loves to travel. You are adaptable, tolerant, philosophical, knowledgeable, honest and outspoken. Like Gemini, this is a dual sign and a love of change and variety is felt. Sagittarius is constructive, clear-sighted, generous, cheerful, loyal and independent.

Possible negative aspects of the sign Sagittarius:
You can be rebellious, hasty, hypocritical, too outspoken, lustful and intolerant. You can lack concentration.

Ruling Planet Jupiter

- Planet Jupiter Facts -
Average distance from Sun: 484 million miles (778 million km)
Mass: 318 times Earth's mass
Diameter: 88,846 miles (142,984 km)
Length of Day: 9 hours, 51 minutes
Length of Year: 11.9 Earth years
Surface Gravity: 2.53 times that of Earth
(If you weigh 90 lbs, you would weigh about 228 lbs on Jupiter)
Known moons: 16

Jupiter is the planet of expansion, success, luck and opportunity. Wherever Jupiter or Sagittarius is located in your chart, you seek opportunities and expansion of your position in life. The type of opportunity that appeals to you is according to the sign in which your Jupiter is found, and the aspects it makes or receives. The places you seek opportunity depend on the houses Jupiter or Sagittarius occupy.
Jupiter rules the sign Sagittarius and therefore retains all the characteristics of that sign as well as of the 9th solar house.

Jupiter means increase so it will multiply in whatever house it occupies. For example, if found in the 5th house of children, you would want a large family. In difficult aspect, you may not want the large family but may get it anyway!
Jupiter rules banking so it shows how, or if, you save your money. It means travel (generally long distance), religion, philosophy, the law, and all other 9th house associations. It's a protective planet and Sagittarius is a protective sign so if well aspected will prevent trouble or protect you from illness, etc. Jupiter prevents and protects as long as you don't over-do or go to extremes. In difficult aspects, it tends toward extremes and over-extension of finances.

I am now worried after reading this :P

Scorpio Horoscope

For The Week Starting October 3, 2005

Social activities are on the upswing now with interesting invitations coming in. Engagements are made now and you may give or receive a ring during the next few weeks. You must be very careful not to overextend your credit this fall. If you cannot pay cash, get something different. Be careful what you commit yourself to on paper as you will be held responsible.

Sagittarius Horoscope

For The Week Starting October 3, 2005

Now is a time for building anew. A phase of your life may end now as another phase begins. You will need to follow your instincts or hunches now if you expect to be successful. Be practical this week. Paperwork or mail is delayed (except for bills) but when received it will carry good news. Be careful what you commit yourself to, because you may end up responsible .

Finally the one i am interested in but not necessarily in everything , only the things that is positive :)

Both of these signs enjoy sports (she does not), although Sagittarius is a good loser(I always win), Scorpio is not(true). Each wants to know ALL about the other. Sagittarius is cheerful, blunt, busy (not for those i love as i always have time for her), adaptive, likes people and will talk you deaf, dumb and blind (Am i?)

Scorpio is cautious, suspicious, intimidating and secretive. None of these are bad traits but trying to mix them is a real problem (No way my prayers move mountains ). Sagittarius' friendliness could bring out Scorpio's jealousy. Scorpio's secretiveness could bring out Sagittarius' curiosity. Sagittarius wants to go camping and Scorpio wants to go to a nice hotel(i will end up going nice hotel not necessarily if it is scorpio wish).

Sagittarius loves crowds(not when i have the one who makes me feel accompanied & often in big crowds i still feel lonely ) while Scorpio desires privacy. It is difficult to imagine these two signs living together for long (Am sure they be together till they go to heaven). It is a good idea to compare your rising sign to the rising sign (or Sun sign) of the person you are comparing yourself with. This will give you a more detailed overall picture of the relationship (No need because i know it will be good). har har

L U , miss Glue

If only i were the first one who saw Dyosa :)

2005-09-26T04:38:00.000+02:00

Everytime i come to this blog and TRY write a new entry it always ends up with just this A TRY and it has always been on sundays and i always end up Text chatting and listening to good music and to enjoy this moment and forget my blog till next sunday again. These two past weeks, however, i have decided to at least post some on the songs i choose among the 20 i listen with just a photograph standing on my old keyboard.

So here is another song i always listen to and which reminds me of how feelings help you go on and on and i always end up putting a smile to each day. Life is beautiful and LOVE is a miracle.

Tears in Heaven
Eric Clapton

would you know my name
if i saw you in heaven
would it be the same
if i saw you in heaven
I must be strong
and carry on
'cause i know i don't belong here in heaven
would you hold my hand
if i saw you in heaven
would you help me stand
if i saw you in heaven
I'll find my way through night and day
'cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven
Time can bring you down
time can bend your knees
time can break your heart
have you beggin' please
beggin' and please
beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
and I know there'll be no more tears in heaven
would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven
would it be the same
if i saw you in heaven
I must be strong
and carry on
'cause i know i don't belong here in heaven
'cause i know i don't belong here in heaven

How i would like....

2005-09-19T06:29:00.000+02:00

..To be able to say this to someone tonight and if not then some day :)

Fortunately you have got
Someone who relies on you
We started out as friends
But the thought of you just caves me in
The symptoms are so deep
It is so much too late to turn away
We started out as friends

Sign your name
Across my heart
I want you to be my baby
Sign your name
Across my heart
I want you to be my lady

Time I'm sure will bring
Disappointments in so many things
It seems to be the way
When your gambling cards on love you play
I'd rather be in Hell with you baby
Than in cool Heaven
It seems to be the way

Sign your name
Across my heart
I want you to be my baby
Sign your name
Across my heart
I want you to be my lady

Birds never look into the sun
Before the day is gone
But oh the light shines brighter
On a peaceful day
Stranger blue leave us alone
We don't want to deal with you
We'll shed our stains showering
In the room that makes the rain

All alone with you
Makes the butterflies in me arise
Slowly we make love
And the Earth rotates
To our dictates
Slowly we make love

Sign your name
Across my heart
I want you to be my baby
Sign your name
Across my heart
I want you to be my lady

Am in the process of...

2005-08-27T04:55:00.000+02:00

I came here after my last entry in july with the idea of writing but after listening to some of the music i received from someone important to me i only feel like listening to music and rejoice the good old memories. I will write some other time but before leaving for bed i will paste the song which shows the mood i am in right now and it is partly my feelings too. Good night, my only friend who is patient enough to read the few things i write :P

Fallen
'N Sync

Yeah yeah.. oh hmm
I don't know how
I don't how why
But girl it seems
You've touched my life
You're in my dreams
You're in my heart
I'm by myself
When we're apart
Something strange has come over me
A raging wind across my seas
And girl you know that your eyes are to blame
And what am I supposed to do
If I can't get over you
I come to find that you don't feel the same
Cause I'm fallen
Girl I'm fallen for you
And I pray your fallen too
I've been fallen fallen
Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you
I loose my step
I loose my ground
I loose my self
When you're around
I'm holding on for my life
To keep from drowning in your eyes
Girl what have you done to me
To make me fall so desperately
To think that I don't even know your name
No, no
How am I supposed to live
If I can't get over this
You decide that you don't feel the same
Cause I'm fallen fallen
Girl I'm fallen for you
And I pray your fallen too
I've been fallen fallen
Will you stay or will you go
Heaven, heaven knows what my future holds
Questions, questions linger on my mind
Day break from day break to dark of night
I'm fallen I don't know what's come over me
Can't you see that I'm fallen fallen
Girl I'm fallen for you
And I pray your fallen too
I've been fallen fallen
Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you

*****************************

Let's Stop and Talk Awhile
Gary Valenciano

Fancy meeting you alone in the crowd
Couldn't help but notice your smile
While everybody else around us is going about
Can we just stop and talk awhile?

I've been often told our world's growing old
And that friends are harder to find
Do tell me more about yourself
We could share a thought or two
Now who would mind?

Maybe then we could go for a ride
Drive down to the countryside
Get away from the gray
And frenzied hurly-burly of the city life

Early yet to say what lies ahead
It's the first day of the rest of our lives
Can we just stop and talk awhile
Get to know each other
Who are we to know?
Love could be waiting at the end
'Round that bend and so
Let's stop and talk awhile

Can we just stop and talk awhile
Get to know each other
Who are we to know?
Love could be waiting at the end
'Round that bend and so
Let's stop and talk awhile
Let's stop and talk awhile
Let's stop and talk awhile
Let's stop and talk awhile

Shall i be the Rooster or just wait ?

2005-07-26T21:19:00.000+02:00

I love her and i would like to do something but i also have to respect what she has already chosen long before i came in the picture. This has never been a problem for me as i have always believed i should respect what makes her happier and back her despite it can go against my own interest. At least that what my parents(my Mami specially)has been teaching me.

I have been patient thinking if she does not stay with him i can always try to see if she can find me good for her but if she succeeds with the one she loves i will always have her friendship. So i never lose and i used to tell her " if one day you get a divorce or you become a widow i will spend the rest of my days with you" and we will always laugh.

Suddenly the other day i found out that special guy is already there(half true i would say now) and i started to feel jealous though i have always prayed for them to be happy together. I started to think weird things like i have lost the biggest chance of my life to be happy with someone and had i done it this way or that way bla bla bla. My head keeps working on that the whole night and i was day dreaming.

Then after talking to her on phone everything was in different colours,i saw life lovely again as if it was just a nightmare and she was back again. we talked long on phone and we laughed and she told me about the films she watched and she shared her things with me and once again i was in my world with her as the central piece(the nucleus).

Until tonight i was talking to a friend and suddenly we started talking about love and she started telling me about Pinoys and pinays and these things make me happy and i like listening about customs and things. She opened my eyes and my mind once again. What i used to believe is :"When you love someone real you should always help her find the best happiness though it means your own failure" " Always put her own welfare first then yours " that is respect her choice and decision without making her choose and this is how you show yourself and her how much you can love her.

After listening to this friend on a short chat i am once again with this dilema.Shall i respect and cross my arms waiting for things to happen? Shall i just go and make things happen in my favour ?that is the big question right now in my head.

I will go bed now and will continue later when i wake up for work. it is already 11:00 pm here and i dont think i will be able to sleep but i need to try and may be i get new ideas how to solve this dilema.

I was right i could not sleep at all but i took my Dog to my bed and while caressing her i fell asleep at 4am but woke up at 5am to go work at 6am. Now am on a short break texting my special sweetheart who happens to be at school today and poor girl she is going through lot of invented shits things which she has never even thought of doing.I sometimes pity her though i know you dont pity a good friend but listen to understand her and i think i do.

She is a typical Pinay, sweet and a wonderful writer and right now she is real busy with her Masters and writing stuffs. She is always smiling and i know now that Pinoys laughs lot(except when someone pisses her off for stupid things) or at least i can see from her words that she is sniling and few occasions i do see her smile on cam and just yesterday we talked on phone and her laughters are real contagious and she will tell me stories calmly,freely without being embarassed though sometimes she gets embarassed when i would mention stupid things only guys would talk :p

Yesterday i found out that Pinays are more special than i have imagined(i hope my friend is right). My friend said "if you are really sure that she is the one for you, go to the philippines and ask her to marry you...."we need physical presence.... that's what we filipinos prefer.... "i tell you distance is a problem to most filipino relationships.... "that's the problem the internet could never solve.... "if you go to the philippines, that would be a heroic thing, you will capture her heart without question "that's the ulitmate sacrifice that you could do and to let her feel that you're ready to move the world just to be with her which the other guy could not do " " just announce that you're going to see her and pop the question once you're there.... " filipinos love heroes.... " she can't easily say yes online because it's very hard to experience love on the internet... " "if you really think that's the ONE woman that you will live for for the rest of your life then go for it.... don't be such an asshole.... go for it! "

" i suggest that you go to the philippines this christmas... it's the best time of the year to be there and ask her hand for marriage..... " " don't put aside for tomorrow what you can do today.... " "if you can do it soon then go for it don't let it linger because it gets boring and maybe she'll lose interest " "and probably by now, she's just talking out of respect and friendship no more sparks "
Finally to cap it all i was taught this saying in the philippines that says, in order for the rooster to live he has to go near the feed. Shall i be the rooster and go for the feed -(Binibini) is the feed. I cannot expect her to come to spain and marry me(as if she would dp this ) :P
Time will say but right now i am thinking of what will be better for HER and secondly for ME and i do not think i can force things to happen though my friend`s advice is real good.As i know what is really happening i think i will be patient a little bit more.I dont know for now..i will think about it a bit more..........

We often think we can control love. And then we catch ourselves asking the completely useless question: "is it really worth it?" Love does not bother itself with that question. Love refuses to be priced like some piece of merchandise. One of the characters in Bertold Brecht’s play "The Good Person of Szechuan" tells us about true love: "I want to be next to the one I love. I don’t care what this will cost me. I don’t care whether this will do my life good or bad. I don’t care whether this person loves me or not. All I want, all I need is to be close to the one I love."

I definitely know one (GAGO)bastard who should think of this and behave better.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE WITH SILLY FIGHTS AND COMPLAINTS

2005-07-07T06:11:00.000+02:00

THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WORST WORST MOMENT THAN THE ONE WE THINK IS WORST. ENJOY THE PRESENT.

When my ex left me for someone she knew for sure would make her a better person and who would make her happier for the rest of her life i was down and i said"God,why? what have i done?" "Why should all leave me for others who make them better and i never get someone who live another to be better with me ?I had no answer then but today i understand and have the answers to those questions.

I walked out of the flat and i remember it was raining and i kept walking in the rain as my car was parked far from her place because at that hour parking slots were not easy to find.We never talked or i never asked ehr why she left me and we both took it till "THAT DAY".The only thought that came to my mind was, " Oh my God,she has gone from my life for ever and i will never be able to kiss her as i used to when we would meet and i would never be able to hug her when she is down, sad or just not at ease each month because of a natural thing in women. But now i understand i was wrong thinking she had gone FOR EVER and she would never be with me again.I felt as if it was the end of everything, a disaster in my life,as if it was the worst that could happen,not knowing it was nothing compared to the actual situation.

The truth is she left me at the worst date possible as everything was ready and many people were already involved etc etc but with God´s help i overcame it and she found her happiness. She was right in putting her happiness above all because now i can say i prefer not to be with someone who will always say i could have been happier.She never stopped looking for me when she needed me and the funniest part of it all is she would always come with her love too.As if there was no one else who could help her out and it always had to be me.Though i got pissed a couple of times in the car when they would both be sitting at the back,laughing,whispering things i was always eager go meet her when she would call or text me. Now i understand why she would always look for me :(

Month ago my Ex girfriend was admitted in hospital for something not serious in the beginning (which later turned out to be serious)probably the family did not want everyone to know. I will never get this answer but it is not important either. To make it short,after daily visits to hospital and trying to go on a shift things with her Love and her mother to look after her at night she finally died one night after sending the other two to go rest.We finally talked and she told me things which today makes me stronger knowing i did not do anything bad for her to leave me.She loved me but it was only that she met someone a bit better than me and every one has the right to improve in life and love is life .She talked to me and making me promise three things and i did promise.That same night i left her with her mother and Love and drove hundreds of kms to satisfy her first desire.She wants me to be happily marrieda nd comforted me by saying many women would be lucky to have a husband like you and you would have made me happy,too etc .Those were the most beautiful things a man can hear from a lady because despite everything she was a lady and she loved me.

I thought she had gone for good but that night she confessed to me and she died in peace.Now i understand She always looked for me because she wanted me to see i was not a bad guy but a good guy she loved and she trusted me and she trusted me her last words too :( She knew she could always count on me though she was not with me and i am aware now (after her death)she would friends of mine about my private life,if i have a gf,if am doing well etc.In reality she only was with someone she loves betetr than me but was never gone from my side.

NOW looking back i would say i wish that day i called the worst day of my life(when she told me she had someone) were today because today is the worst worst as she will never again text me " Ray,te necesito,por fa"That is why we shoudl never think of the worst day but go forward and imagine it could have been worst still and thank God it was only this and not more.When i have a girlfriend in my life(i wish)i will never give up but look at the positive things.I LOVE LIFE AND I AM IN LOVE AGAIN AND I KNOW FROM ABOVE SHE IS SMILING KNOWING AM WRITING ABOUT HER AND I HAVE UNDERSTOOD HER FINALLY.

My next entry is about my LOVE and it will be much happier than this entry though it will be anonymous :P

Small Moments

2005-05-27T04:55:00.000+02:00

Here i am trying to write on my blog again after someone important to me ( who i would rather call –Diosa- for now ) helped me create this blog and that happened on a Monday April 12th 2004 and it seems as if it was just yesterday.Time passes so fast and one has no time or to be more honest, one does not even rememeber to stop a short while and look back.The last time i wrote something here was On may 8th 2004 on "Mother`s Day" and then for certain reason i stopped writing(probably i didnt feel there was reason for me to write anything at all) and once again on a February 3rd 2005 ,by art of magic, my "diosa" appeared again and gave my blog a new but inspiring design(My gf is a Foxterrier)he he and i was so happy that day that i promised her i would write after Valentine´s and this didnt happen(probably because i felt she was not near me again and i found no reason to write)but Today Friday March 25 2005 after a 4-day trip the week before and a long precious call just today i have found the inspiration to come back and write.

I was supposed to write about that 4-day trip to Fatima,which i already started writing yesterday night but now i feel that should wait a bit more and will therefore park it for a short while and the reason behind that long trip will be another entry apart as i have many many things to say about it.

Many many things(heavenly ones,the best,very good,good and simply good ones) have happened since then and things neither of us(her or me)could have ever predicted occured and i felt like in heaven and these same these things that came into my life all of a sudden ,disappeared by art of magic.When they disappeared i cant deny i felt bad and i have to confess i tried do so many things which i would call stupid NOW but not before i set off for my trip to Fatima.

Things always happen for certain reasons and everything has something positive no matter how negative it can be as we always learn from that.I was taught to always see the positive side of things and up to now i have done so,except when by end of March i found myself deprived of the only thing i want for me.I became so selfish that i did not have the time to stop and look at the positive side of it and that explained my desire to run away instead of stopping and looking back.Now i see things differently and i am happy once again because finally i was able to rejoice all the moments,no matter how small.

I remember one freezing evening(not normal in the lattitude i live) i was driving home after a long day at work and i got a SMS text on my SMART cell and the beep was familiar and it couldnt have been from any other person but from HER.I reduced speed and read it as it was never possible for me to wait to read these smart SMS and the message said something like this"Good night,Ray,bla bla drive safe&eat a good diner).When finally i set my eyes on the road,unexpectedly,it was snowing and i could see the white flakes illuminated by the headlights of the cars.I have never realized snow in the night could have been so special(i have seen many nights with snow but not like that night after the SMS).

Though it was normally heavy traffic at that time ,at that moment the traffic didn’t seem so painful to me,everything was bearable and it was like a miracle to me and when i reached home I was still caught up in the excitement of having witnessed something so wonderful.
Just yesterday afternoon,we were on phone talking for long about different topics and suddenly she felt like eating and i accompanied her and i was willing to talk while she would eat and listen but as usual she turned up talking too and not only listening :P That made me feel special because not always you have the chance to talk to someone while she is eating and that moment was really wonderful.We ended up listening to those beautiful songs,only her can choose, and she was eating and making me listen to"How Sweet It is by james taylor" "La Vie en Rose"etc etc .

After the music session i was given the priviledges to put her to bed as she was already sleepy(it was already her 2:30am) and i remember well that before she would move from the sofa to her room we had like six or more big hugs and I still remember how they sound(thats the only way to give a hug on phone,right?).After that i passed by the chapel (it was only my 8:00pm) and later I cooked diner and texted her before bed around my midnight and slept till my 10:00am and i have rarely slept so many hours:)i remember the songs she sent me for my birthday and she would make me listen to it and also translate the scripts if it was not in English"Dapat ka bang mangibang bayan?a funny sweet song about pinays""Hanggang by wency cornejo, Filipino love of men for their women""SMILE".

I remember another little moment when she was already late for her nightshift work all because of my long call and she was eating fast and suddenly she said "do we still have a 12minutes for one quickie discussion before you leave?"That discussion became reality and in less than 12 seconds.We both have found out that quantity does not count much if it is of bad quality but twelve days(12 days only)can be 12 DAYS TO GLORY and I will dedicate one entry to that soon.I remember her face one day showing me(on her cam of course)the gifts she had bought(chosen) for me and some other important people here,too and i will never forget the expression on her face and the beat of my heart watching her showing me these things with sensitiveness.I cannot forget her laugh when i would translate a cartoon series directly and literally from my language into a bad English(Spanglish) and now when i read her texts or her chat i not only see the words but hear them,too, and even the he he¡¡Sure ¡sure ¡.

I remember once her phone was about to die and we got cut during our talk and she was on a bus riding home and she was only able to send just one single text and she texted"THIS IS THE GHOST OF A´S PHONE..U KILLED ME...WOOOO.." I have loads of LITTLE MOMENTS and i will be writing about them sometime.I will never forget these little but great moments.I am actually burning a CD with all those songs we listen together and others she talks about but we have not yet had the opportunity to listen together.i now regret not having thought of those great little moments before deciding to run away from myself(but i guess life teaches us the hard way too.

How often do we miss the small moments but true ones because we are caught up in the bullshit of the everyday chores?As a kid I expected life to be made up of big beautiful moments but as I grew up, I’m learning to value the collection of smaller moments that make life beautiful.The small moments matter, and can transform not just the moment, but the entire life.By only noticing the moments,we can retain them and can call them back when needed.I’m learning to be more conscious of these moments and I am making sure of seeing the greatness in those daily little moments and there is no other better treasure than the one we have and keep in our own heart and mind and i do believe nothing and no one goes for ever if we have them in our heart and mind.

Right now i am sitting and typing and i have just drawn the curtain and opened the window and i feel the last sunrays of the day on my face,it is a small pleasure i can afford.I close my eyes and i still feel the sunbeam and i open my eyes a little bit and i can see the faraway clouds while a good thought crosses my mind.I close the window i turn back and i see the headset for my Hi-Fi and it is a beautiful song I can hear coming and i like it and it is titled "IT COULD HAVE BEEN By Tiffany"could have been so beautiful..so right etc etc .This may seem a sad song to listen ,far from it, because i have listened to that song together and i only get the positive side of it.
Another beep¡ beep ¡ on my SMART Cellphone and finally she is back home after a dinner out with her best friends(poor baby,she needed that) and her cellphone died while being out and was not able to text me like for 50 minutes but i didnt realize it was too long without her text as i was rejoicing what i was writing about these small moments with her,about her and her:)

I am losing a friend....

2005-05-10T01:06:00.000+02:00

A friend is like a flower,
a rose to be exact,
Or maybe like a brand new gate
that never comes unlatched.
A friend is like an owl,
both beautiful and wise.
Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,
whose spirit never dies.
A friend is like a heart
that goes strong until the end.
Where would we be in this world
if we didn't have a friend.

The first thing that come to mind is friendship though i have more than this to talk about but right now I am worried and sad,yes sad,I feel miserable.That is why i have pasted that short poem about friendship above in the first place.I have not posted anything on my blog since my last entry last month and this does not mean i ahd nothing to write about.Everytime i had something ready to be posted and sometimes something still halfway,a change of event made them obsolete to be posted.

Tonight i will not lose this opportunity but post it because it is about me and what i am losing(at least i feel i am losing).I am sure it is not because she wants me away but because something or someone has insisted again.I was once(not long ago)threatened that if i do not stop talking to her She will be made miserable and it will be my fault.Fortunately things took a turn and she negotiated it and we were able to continue being friend again and to be honest,I was happy and felt proud a bit.No one has fought or defended me(for my friendship)that much.

We last talked Thursday May 5th on a long call(about 2 hours 29 minutes) and during the conversation something came out and i told her about it and i remember her saying she would talk to someone about it and make him solve this soon and if he does not do anything,she,herself,will solve it though it will not be easy as she is not working right now.i stopped her at once as that was not important for me and the only thing which is important is our friendship.I also remembered(being a bit naughty&a nuisance,too)asking her what would happen if someone falls for her while she is in a relationship with another person.I still can hear her answer in my head"I cannot give anotherone hope of any kind if i am take,T""I will never hurt someone"Those answers made me proud to be among her best friends and i was enjoying it without teling her,of course.

Since that Thursday and Today Saturday my night i have not heard of her anymore.I have not stopped texting her though not as much as i used to do but still no replies from her.Friday was the most miserable day,i could not believe my friend would forget to text me a whole daya nd i am sure she did not forget.i could not believe she could think it would not affect me at all but still not texting me a short one saying anything and once again i am sure she would not let me go through such hell if she could avoid it or save me from it.

I have been crying crying out of despair,out of frustration and knowing it should be something else impeding her from getting in touch with me or at least something else making her protect me by not texting me.It cannot be my friend decision only,it must be something else but still i am hurt and i am down and i keep asking God why why why?

Sunday i kept texting her again and still nothing from her.I was thinking of calling but i did not dare because i am scared that would give ehr still more problem because of me calling.If seh is not texting waht more a phone call to make things worse.I dont know her situation and i would like to know and i am waiting for a sign from her to be able to do things or solve things.I cannot bear it anymore.When you lose something knowing why it is always less traumatic but losing without knowing the reasons is really hard and sad.

Finally today Monday at 3:40 am my time(10:40am hers)i got a text from her but i only got it at nearly my 12 noon because i slept badly and fell asleep like 3am my time.I felt my heart beat,as if god has finally sent me the sign that things are different.I would never want to go through this but if it is to get my friend back i would not mind going through this and more,I LOVE HER.

I was not supposed to post what i wrote above after getting her text but today,before i leave for work now,at 2:30pm my time i will post it.I do not wnat to delete again things i wrote as i did three times since april 18th.

A friend is someone you can talk to freely, spend time with enjoyably, and someone who isn't likely to walk out of your life in a heartbeat.They say that Most relationships in your life will come to pass. It's a hard, cold fact that makes the decision of dating a friend very difficult but i overcame that already.they also say if You are considering the option of sacrificing your friendship for something more - something closer, You could lose your friend forever.We overcame that too.if we have overcome these nothing should stop our friendship especially if respect is present and in our case we both have respect.LONG LIVE OUR FRIENDSHIP

Day dreaming still :)

2005-04-17T07:02:00.000+02:00

I have not been on my blog long now and least to post any entry though i already had and still have there supposed entries concerning the story i mentioned the last time i opened my own blog.I kept them just in case one day i find the opportunity(i doubt this may happen )to post them.As of now i will say they have become obsolete for reasons i am not too sure of myself.
Today i came to write about something different(at least i have this on mind now) from that last story here.Last night i went to my parents`just to get the company one always look for when one feels lonely.I have been independent for long now and i suppose i left my family house because i wanted to be free and lead my own life allowing myself the right to commit my own mistakes and not letting others the pleasure to drive me to those errors:)

Suddenly last night i felt the need to look for them and if i have to be honest i really felt to be with HER(Mami) though i love my HIM(Papa)too.The only person who really understand me and advise me without telling me why and why not.We talked and she was down a bit,too(i felt it)and i immediately forgot my own loneliness and started making her smile with my monkey things,recalling the time i would ask stupid questions and which put my dad in an embarassing situation and had it not been for my Mami inervention my dad would have become as red as a beetroot though you cant tell when he blushes as this is impossible in his case just like in my case too)because his tanned colour impede this (We , coloured skin people ,at least we need to have certain advantage over the white,right?) lol

I succeeded once again to steal a smile from her and then the natural laugh which she wont stop till after she cries a bit:)I went to talk about me and i ended up changing my mind but it was worth it and next time it will be my turn.

We ended up watching an old movie my Mami likes watching and i enjoyed the film and from her eyes and sometimes her own silence and sometimes her staring nowhere because sure she was transporting herself to that situation,i knew she was sort of living her own past.
We watched "The Shop Around the Corner".I know its not of my time but still the theme has lot to do with me and my time ,too.It is curious how the same thing can affect different generations though through different means or media.

It is a delightful romantic comedy(1940-i was not even a project ):) which takes place in a Hungarian town.The film tells the story of two people who happened to work together in a shop,actually a gift shop,which reminds me of someone i have known for some years now).These two people hated each other almost the same day she entered to work as the shopgirl and the guy was the gift shop clerk.They could not stand each other.The guy prefers the company of of the woman that he has been writing with by post but whom he has never met.On the other hand the girl(Novak)likes her male pen friend,whom she has never seen either.

The funny part is they did not know that they've been having a love affair anonymously by mail.Anyway discovering your sworn enemy and soul mate are the same person must be something not easy to assimilate.i ask myself many questions after watching that movie with my mami.How many times have i discovered i had misjudged someone?Is it always possible to correct someone elses misconceptions? ( i wish i could but i dont think i would as it will be playing dirty with that person)

Today i went mass though i did not confess and i ran home alone after buying few things for Reina and myself.i watched another movie"you've got mail"and i really wanted to watch it and it made me think and think.It is a 1998 comedy romance movie and the truth is i find myself in it and i cant explain why,it is just a feeling.Probably my Mami was in that situation when she was watching "the shop around the corner" and one day i may ask her.

In this film Kathleen owns a children's bookstore in New York. It is a small but profitable labor of love then a mega-chain of bookstores, begins building across the street.Joe Fox is directly responsible for this particular branch. Kathleen despises Joe and everything he seems to stand for.When they are not working they logged onto their computers,where they've each met a wonderful friend on net,not knowing that they've been conducting a love affair anonymously by email.Just like the old 1940s movie.

Anyway i now remember what could have been but will never be.I was about to write something more here but after a short chat with someone dear to me,close to me,i felt i had no moral right to talk about her as i may have hidden certain information to her and she feels hurt and i just feel i am a miserable friend who has spoiled the trust that person had in me.
Next time when i am in the correct mood i will write about other things. i wish i could soon learn how put midi or mp3 files to this blog.I am quite bad for these things and ahd it not been for my special friend i would never have had a blog.I am useless in these things.

Songs Currently listening to

2005-04-05T17:00:00.000+02:00

FRIEND OF MINE
Lea Salonga

I've known you for so long
You are a friend of mine
But is this all we'd ever be
I've loved you ever since
You are a friend of mine
and babe is this all we ever could be

CHORUS
You tell me things I'll never know
I'll show you love you've never shown
and then again where you go
I'm always at your side
You tell me 'bout the love you've had
I listen very eagerly
But deep inside you'll never see
This feeling of emptiness
that makes me feel sad
But then again I'm glad

I've known you all my life
You are a friend of mine
I know this is how it's gonna be
I've loved you then and I love you still
You're a friend of mine
Now I know friends
are all we ever could be

REPEAT CHORUS EXCEPT LAST LINE
But then again, then again
then again I'm glad

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU
Martin Nievera

When you wake up each morning,
and you feel like calling.
I'll be there for you.
When the road seems uncertain
and you can't stop the hurtin'.
I'll be there for you.

When there's no one beside you
I'll be there to guide you
catch you each time you fall.
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there.

When the world is unkind
and your dreams, they need more time.
I'll be there for you.
If the rules they keep breaking
and the future is fading.
I'll be there for you.

The rainbow will end
in the palm of your hand
don't ever let it go.
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there.

Who knows where we'll go
what will tomorrow bring.
But we have each other, just hold on tight.
We can take to the skies and fly....

I'll be there for you...
I'll be there for you...

The rainbow will end
in the palm of your hand
don't ever let it go.
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there.
The rainbow will end
in the palm of your hand
don't ever let it go.
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there.

I'll be there.

Another two songs currently listening to

2005-04-04T17:17:00.000+02:00

YOU ARE MY SONG
Regine Velasquez

You are the song
Playing so softly in my heart
I reach for you
You seem so near
And yet so far
I hope and I pray
You'll be with me someday
I know down inside
That you are mine & I'm your true love
Or am I dreaming...

How can I
Each time I try, you say goodbye
You were there
You look my way, I touch the sky
We can share tomorrow and forevermore
I'll be there
To love you so
You are my song

I know for sure
That we were meant to fall in love
I look in your eyes
I know what you're thinking of
I try not to say
The words that might just scare you away
I know down inside
That you are mine & I'm your true love
Please, no more dreaming...

How can I
Each time I try, you say goodbye
You were there
You look my way, I touch the sky
We can share tomorrow and forevermore
I'll be there
To love you so
You are my song

Maybe we can last until forever
And I know that we can make it through
With you in my heart, in my soul, you're my love
You're my song

You are my song

We can share tomorrow and forevermore
I'll be there
To love you so
You are my song

WHEREVER YOU ARE
South Border

I love to see the ocean's beauty
And the moon that shines above
Alone in the sand lookin at the stars
Wishing someday I would find true love

Wouldn't be nice to see the morning
With the one you love the most
Wouldn't be nice to say goodnight
To the one you hold so close
To your heart, to your heart...

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

I love to sit in fields of green
Looking deeply thru the sky
Watching birds as they flap by
Hoping someday faith will bring me true love

Wouldn't be nice to hold someone
So dear, n near your heart
Wouldn't be nice to hear those words
I love you, from the one
That you love, that you love

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

I love to see myself one day
In the arms of someone
Who will share her life with me
Selflessly, someday you will find your way,
To me . . .

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are, Wherever you are

LET THE LOVE BEGIN
Kyla duet with Jerome John Hughes

Look at us
Ain't it funny
Is it just beginner's luck
Maybe
Ooh, with just a touch
Two different people
From such different worlds apart
Has touched each other's hearts
Like candles in the dark
So if it's time for us
We've gotta take it
Take the chance
The chance to make it

Now
Let the love begin
Let the light come shining in
Who knows where the road will lead us now
Look at what we've found
Make this moment turn our hearts around
It may never come again
Let it end
Let the love begin

Ooh..
Here we are
So close together
I can feel the fire start between us
Ooh...we've come this far
Too far to stop it now
If this is meant to be (it's meant to be)
A chance for you and me (for you and me)
We found our destiny
Now we're lookin' at a new forever
Make this dream come true together

Now
Let the love begin
Let the light come shining in
Who knows where the road will lead us now
Look at what we've found
Make this moment turn our hearts around
It may never come again
Let it end
Let the love begin

Here we are
So close together
I can feel the fire start between us
Ooh...we've come this far
Too far to stop it now
If this is meant to be (it's meant to be)
A chance for you and me (for you and me)
We found our destiny
Now we're lookin' at a new forever
Make this dream come true together

Now
Let the love begin
Let the light come shining in
Who knows where the road will lead us now
Look at what we've found
Make this moment turn our hearts around
It may never come again (never come again)
Let it end
Let the love begin

"Life goes on, but life must be guided"

2005-04-03T11:57:00.000+02:00

Tonight i feel like talking about love and i am going to write about a moment of my life when love was at its high and when i had both immediate and far future plans.It is not that i am experienced or that i have had lots of love reationship in my life,far from it.I have had a few love affairs as any young guys of my age when i was at college and university but two of them happened when i already started as a young professional though the second one is quite recent and deserves another entry as it has only had a beginning and has been interrupted after 12 days to Glory(We had serious reasons for that quick interruption)

I am not a guy of twenty or twenty five, am rather in my thirties and when i fell for that girl i really knew what i wanted and how i should do things to make it work and make both of us happy and it did worked.Naturally it was the imperfect relationship as any other relationships are at the beginnings wth its ups and downs but we were improving and making each of us better each day and it was evident for both of us and we both mentioned that each time we would meet or would have a short calm and sweet moment to talk about our things.

I have to say something about my parents before i proceed with this story(life story).I was brought up with a conservative family and at the same time a family ready to adapt to new ways of living as their children grow and who always try to understand their children eventhough at times they had difficulty to understand us but they tried at least(we,their kids use to say to each other).One thing was always clear and same though`never do to others what you dont want others to do to you or the ones you love)´I was taught to respect and help and understand others and to never solve things fighting using my physical strength(though i have always been strong and BIG since i was 18) but to recurr to my mind and patience.

Even now my mother keeps teaching me things by always repeating the same thing "If one day i hear you hurt a girl with your disrespect or your stupidity or you abuse her moment of weakness, i will never trust and believe in you again,you will have lost all the values a man should have." Quite recently she was advising me to not do anything that could hurt a friend of mine (who was in a bad situation in a realtionship) until i am sure this friend thinks straight and is not still affected by her bf, etc. I, my other two siblings too, have been taught to be responsible from a very early age and i think it was this that has made me more mature or at least appear mature to my friends and i knew that was like this as most of the times they(though we were of same age)would turn to me for advice ot to just have a last word before doing certain things etc.To be mature is considered positive though after my relationship i have come to question whether it is good to be mature at all costs.

As i mentioned above, our relationship went real far and we were real tuned and very often we were surprised by how we would be giving same ideas to solve a problem.We were able to , as if we could, read each others mind and do the things that will satisfy him or her.There was never a bad face when things we expected did not happen and we would never accuse the other one of any failures just as the success was never individualize.However in one thing we did have argument and serious argument and here we just were neither tuned nor understanding as i did not use my logic to try solve it but apply my parents` lessons.

My mothers words kept repeating in my head and i would always end up not doing what my girl wanted and which i also desired(mind you) but i was mature enough to put her off and ask her for control.Here we took different ways and i remember i would always end up going after her apologizing and rewarding her with a sweet and tender cuddlings,reading her poems i would have written in my spare or break time at office(just in case i may need one for emergency like that) or just taking her for a walk and have icecream and the next day surprise her with a bunch of flowers at her office:)

I was always prudent or probably too careful when it came to sex (i am sexual and wild with lots of fantasies and i love making love too and i need it as i need oxygen) but when am in love i feel i have to be sure and completely sure it will work (i knew it would work at that time). My girl was the type of hot girl who lose control and wants to reach the end and everytime that happened i would be thinking with what my MAMI would say if this relationship does not push forward and my girl is pregnant(we could use protection,of course but who knows)or i have taken her virginity (i know that was not a great thing and had basically no importance here in my society but still..) and i have to leave her etc..so i was very responsible(looking back i have to thank my mother but one never know if it did not influence negatively at all)I remember one night i was at her house and her parents were leaving for London for the weekend and her mother asked me to stay home with her(her mother has always trusted me,probably she could feel i wouldn't do anything to hurt her daughter or her family honor) and we ended up making love in her room and the same old story, she wanted the same thing and i was stubborn in respecting that part of her (though i never thought virginity was an important thing as i never expect any virgin). I suddenly changed the way i deal thing and we had it in that place where the back loses its name "butt" he he and she was satisfied and i was satisfied and since then all discussions about fun stopped all of a sudden and everythig went on "perfectly."

We were both good at saving though i was the one who saves most because she likes dressing up and was always after fashion,like most girls do,and i got a mortgage and bought a house near the beach for us and furnished it bit by bit but with great tastes on her part.We were preparing our cosy house,dreaming about a family of our own.I remember i was even reading books on how to educate a son or a daughter,i was also talking to married workmates already with kids and asking them questions and listening to their stories and i could see their eyes brightened as they talked about that son or daughter(as if no one can be as handsome or as pretty as their kids).I would day dream helping my wife at home,preparing the dinner while she would still be out working and i would be lucky(i work for the government and at that time i always finished by 5:00 pm) to lay the table to surprise her with a dinner in candlelight.

I would do that, firstly, to save her from load of housework (we both have to share as we both work) and secondly, to be able to spare more time with her before bedtime (i was selfish right) cuddling her,letting myself cuddled because i have always enjoyed small moments and have always ended making them great and memorable moments.

The date of the wedding was already chosen,most preparations done and everything was going on smoothly when one afternoon my girl called me at my work place at about my lunchtime saying she didnt go work and she needed me to go to our future house(the one we bought)and it sounded strange but i just talked to my boss and he agreed i should go and work more hours the next day but i did not return to my work till 5 days after.

Anyway i arrived at our house (i remember i was wearing suit as there was meeting with the local mayors of the surrounding towns) my tie was already off in my pocket(i dont like ties but have to use) and i took off my jacket.My girl was sitting in the sofa drinking a cold beer and smoking (i never knew she smoked as she has never done it in front of me)there was another girl with her (elder than her)she was also smoking but she was drinking a whisky. My girl asked me if i wanted to drink something and the truth is i felt strange there and i was sweating and it was not hot season yet.Then my girl introduced me her friend and i saw them well acquainted though my girlfriend was with a much more worried face than her friend.

My girlfriend has always known that she could speak any topics with me and i will never deny and i was understanding and i can understand anything with common sense and probaly that was why she said it directly and in that scenario,which,honestly,i would never have chosen to introduce my girlfriend to my boyfriend but she wanted it that way. She told me they were girlfriends and that she loved her and she prefers let me suffer a bit now rather than be miserable all my life.

I remember i was not mad and i asked her, "Are you sure you are happy with this,will it make you happier" to which she replied, "Of course and that is why i am telling you my decision." My next short sentence was "in that case i wish you luck. Mind if i go back work if you have nothing else to say?" and i turned my back and left them there but i was a zombie walking to my parking lot, which was parked about 500 metres from the house (few parking space morning time). I did not go work but to church and asked the Lord to give me courage to see the good in everything as i have been taught. You would be surprised, He showed me the way though i suffered as it is not easy to see your parents, who love you so much, suffer when people ask them what happened to the wedding bla bla..They backed me but i was shy i put them through that.

Since then i have always prayed this..."Come O Holy One, Spirit of mystery,fill my heart and my mind and my soul with Your glorious light,so that I may be that light to my friends, relatives and aquaintances.Protect me with the wisdom of a true love, and do not let my human feelings and frailties impede the flow of that love.A love that will last and not fade with the passing of time, Amen."

I was sad and i did cry a few days but not because she was happy with someone else but just of myself and i felt so unlucky to lose in the last minute someone i was already daydreaming of:)I felt sure of myself after praying and praying.I believed so much in marriage and i still believe in it.I have always wanted to hear the priest say...`May these people, now married, fulfill this covenant which they have made. May they openly give and take from each other, encouraging each other in whatever trials may befall them, sharing in each other's joys, helping each other as each occasion requires.You may kiss the bride´ I remember one Apache wedding blessing and it is wonderful....

"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there is no loneliness for you: Now you are two persons, but there is one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place, to enter into the days of your togetherness, and may your days be good and long upon the earth."

I believe in love and i will always think we all have our half somewhere but it does not always come in time for all of us:(Love cannot be practised in isolation (Though we can make love on our own he he he ,cybering). I have also learnt that Love is one of the highest experiences that we human beings can have, and it can add depth of meaning to our lives. The sensual part of love is one of life's greatest joys and when this is combined with real friendship, both are infinitely enhanced. The day-to-day companionship, the pleasure in doing things together or in doing separate things but in delighting to exchange experiences, is a continuous and central part of what a man and a woman who love each other can share.

Marriage symbolizes the intimate sharing of two lives, yet this sharing must not diminish but enhance the individuality of each partner. A marriage that lasts is one which is continually developing and in which each person is individually developing, while growing in understanding of the other. Deep knowledge of another is not something that can be achieved in a short time, and real understanding of the other's feelings can develop fully only with years of intimacy. This wonderful knowledge of another person grows out of really caring for the other so much that one wants to understand as completely as possible what the other is feeling.

Thus it is possible to share not only joys and successes but also the burden of sorrows and failures. To be known in this way is a priceless thing, because such understanding and acceptance make it easier to live with our problems and failures and worries.We must give ourselves in love, but we must not give ourselves away. A good and balanced relationship is one in which neither person is over-powered or absorbed by the other.I wont keep looking because i have found already but there is another addtional problem,she belongs to someone and because of certain problems between them, we belonged to each other only for 12 days(we are both decent and we react accordingly as we understand each other and we try be happy and we still help each other) and it was glory...will never regret my relationships,they both are important and i wil treasure them .

Now sometimes i am lost and i dont know if i should behave like i did with my first love or act differently with this one which could have been but i dont want hurt her of course.Still i want to believe my MAMI saying this"Con paciencia se gana el cielo"(All things come to him who waits) And what is more funny is that my friend sometimes texts me "U'll get the girl u deserve ,Ray,and that will make u very happy:)" ok great and it is true but when and how long should i wait?Am i doing the right thing this time or should i just jump and seize my chance and try my luck this time without being so understanding?But these lines below(specially those underlined) calm me and make me see things better when doubts come over me...

Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look out for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Now, however, there remain faith, hope, love, these three: but the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13

No matter what is in reserved for me (only God knows) i can always say i was once loved and i loved and we will always have pilar (the most special town for me) I dont want to be a pessimist and i still want to be optimist and like my mother puts it always"buena cara al mal tiempo"-put good face to bad or hard times... and to quote Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill (1874-1965....
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. :))))))))

Para Ti Mami

2004-05-08T23:49:00.000+02:00

I just want to write something for my Mami on this special day (sunday May 9-Mothers day) and these would have been my first words (thoughts).

"Hola Mami, Aquí estoy por fin, acabo de salir de ti y ya tengo frió, tengo miedo, un señor me coge, lo hace con cuidado pero no con cariño. Yo lloro, no lo puedo evitar, me han cortado lo último que quedaba de nosotros, nuestra unión anterior. El cordón umbilical. Quiero que me abraces, lo necesito, aunque estoy sucio y pegajoso... Me ha cogido una señora, me lava y me hace muchas cosas, son manos diestras, seguras pero no tienen calor, yo sigo llorando y ella no me habla, sólo me mueve deprisa, ¿dónde estás?. Me envuelven, me siento mejor así, mas confortable, pero no puedo dejar de llorar. Que bien, ya estoy contigo, oigo tu voz que es la única que reconozco entre tanta gente hablando, ¡que dulce que suena! ¡No te separes de mí jamás! ¡Te quiero"

Hoy,movido por el sentimiento mas bello que es el amor,me atrevo a escribir esto;porque un día desperté y mientras muchas personas se dedicaban a pensar en los triunfos que van atesorar en la vida,yo me di cuenta de que en el momento en que nací de una mujer,alcance mi mayor¡Victoria!, porque tener una mami como tu, no es cualquiera. Y hoy le rindo honor a ella por sacrificarse continuamente,por abstenerse de muchas cosas que realmente se merece y por traerme a este mundo.

Recuerdo las vece que la he hecho sufrir;ya sea por travesuras,palabras hirientes y actos Entonces me pregunto:¿como puede una persona decir amar a alguien y al mismo tiempo hacerle daño?Al ver la otra posición siempre dispuesta a dar oportunidades,llego a la conclusión de que una madre lo perdona todo.Hoy como otras veces te pido perdón Mami por algún dolor que te haya causado y sin proponerme herirte,lo hice.Yo no tengo el don de la poesía,pero quiero que sepas que en verdad lo que te escribo es desde lo mas profundo de mi corazón,seria casi imposible relatar aquí todo lo que has hecho por mi,solo u y yo lo sabemos.

Se que un día encontrare Mi amor también pero sera diferente.Mi amor por ti Mía no tiene limites y aunque nos hayan cortado el cordón umbilical físicamente,este permanecerá ahí por siempre,así como un botón y su ojal,se necesitan mutuamente.Doy gracias a Dios.porque muchos se pasan la vida buscando u alma gemela,y yo te encontré a ti mami,que eres mi Alma gemela Maternal.Gracias por ser mi amiga,mami y muchas cosas mas al mismo tiempo,te prometo que tus sacrificios no van a ser en vano,porque algún día te recompensare.

Así somos los hombres,como niños queriendo recompensa por las buenas acciones que hacemos.Es difícil entender que la mejor recompensa es el Amor que viene de una madre (y que para nuestra suerte es GRATIS).

Para ti Mami
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

Infidelidad en directo

2004-05-03T04:52:00.000+02:00

Uno de los inconvenientes escénicos del adulterio es que su protagonista mas indispensable-la víctima,no puede seguir los acontecimientos en directo.esta circunstancia se hace decepcionante para los dos adúlteros y presuntos perpetradores del engaño,los cuales a su vez están pensando únicamente en el engañado.La tecnología ha remediado esta dislocación y ya permite,gracias a los mensajes escritos de los teléfonos móviles,que puedas traicionar a tu cónyuge en sus narices.

"Y yo la veía tumbada en la cama,engañándome con mi mejor amigo,y no podía hacer nada para evitarlo".Es una estampa pornográfica,pero que pierde mucha morbidez al aclarar que la protagonista se limitaba a intercambiar mensajes amorosos a través del móvil.Hace tiempo que adquirió rango de convencional la escena en que el infiel telefonea a su cónyuge mientras se halla junto a su amante,y lo tranquiliza en medio de un mar de caricias pecaminosas.esta situación univoca se ha hecho reversible,y ya puedes conversar con tu amante mientras besas a tu cónyuge,traición de traiciones.La duplicidad se multiplica gracias a la tecnología,que en un escalón posterior nos permitirá cometer adulterio con nosotros mismos.

Nunca mas refugiarse en el cuarto de baño,con la excusa de que fuma un pitillo a hurtadillas,cuando en realidad se habla a escondidas con el amante.Me extraña que la publicidad de móviles no explote esta utilidad:Un matrimonio mira la televisión en el salón.El esta absorto con el partido de fútbol y,extrañamente,ella no protesta y se limita a teclear pacíficamente su móvil.Los tres son felices,porque la infidelidad en directo sirve de terapia para los adúlteros,cuya psique suele quedar maltrecha por la exigencia de secreto.De todas formas,si usted es un decimonónico que desea cometer adulterio a la antigua,acuerdese por si acaso de borrar los mensajes.

AQUEL COLEGIO

2004-05-02T02:40:00.000+02:00

Mañana de invierno frías, uniforme recién planchado, fragancia de agua de colonia, cartera ordenada, tareas por terminar:), imperativas recomendaciones antes de salir de casa; resignación ante el fatal destino que nos privaría de tantas horas de libertad para poderlas despilfarrar jugando:llegábamos al "cole" como corderitos al matadero;no recuerdo a mucho satisfecho.

Alineación impecable brazos al hombro,cánticos y rezos;los primeros bostezos.Entrada ordenada a las clases;ruido de pupitres,tufillo a viruta de lapices.Pasado el susto a las posibles reprimendas por los deberes mal hechos,todo se relajaba un poco.

papelitos que volaban,caza de moscas,pataditas al vecino,inocentes burlas al "profe" de turno.Era como un especie de precalentamiento en espera de salir al patio de recreo.
¡El orden convertido en caos!.
Empujones para salir,estériles protestas del maestro,zancadillas malintencionadas,peligrosas carreras por las escaleras.la salida l patio semejaba la explosión de espuma de una bebida gaseosa violentamente agitada.
Era el momento del día que mas deprisa transcurría...
¡Vuelta a las clases!.

Mas de un pantalón roto,alguna moradura,desmesurado aumento de decibelios entre los quejidos de los pupitres y nuestro griterío.¡Dos voces del maestro!Y...todo volvía a empezar siguiendo la misma cadencia...hasta que nos devolvían a la calle.

Ya fuera,un corro arengaba a dos que se peleaban.otros,indiferentes al vocerío,se vanagloriaban de sus travesuras en la clase;intercambiaban cromos,o jugaban.De alguna forma había que liberar la represión del día.

Nos hacíamos mayores y seguíamos en el "cole"El tiempo,como desde que se puso me marcha,proseguía con la misma aceleración,aunque la relatividad se encarga de que antaño nos pareciera demasiado perezoso,y ahora excesivamente desenfrenado.Algunas situaciones fueron cambiando en función de la edad,pero aseguraría que,nada mas proponérmelo,los recuerdos,actualizados,saltarían rápidos de mi cerebro como las chispas evanescentes de un afilador,de la misma forma que los anteriores.

Pero...¿Que nos quedo a nosotros,además de todas esas entrañables vivencias?

Sin hacer demasiado esfuerzo,se me ocurre que,quizás...algo del amor a la literatura de Don Salvador Signes,del gusto por la música del Padre Francisco,del interés por la música de Don Juan Torres-uno de los mejores pedagogos que han pasado por este mundo.etc etc etc

!Pero eso,no pudo ser todo¿
Posiblemente,sin darnos cuenta,también debieron grabarse en nuestro subconsciente,como mensajes subliminales,alguna de tantas cosas de las que pretendieron enseñarnos otros muchos.

El colegio sigue;Y obedeciendo a las velocidades propias de sus diferentes ciclos vitales,los tutores cambiaron y los alumnos también :)En los setenta y cinco años de existencia,muchas generaciones de ambos,han pasado.cada uno atesorara experiencias propias y,aunque referenciadas a distintas personas y situaciones,no creo que tiendan a ser muy dispares.

MADRE

2004-05-01T10:43:00.000+02:00

Quisiera en éste poema

decirte madre mía,

que amarte es mi lema

y felicidad tu compañía.

Es un amor verdadero

y puro a mi parecer...

Fue a ti a quien vi primero

al momento de nacer.

Puedo querer a mi amigo,

lo mismo que a mi pareja,

pero quererlos no consigo,

como adoro a mi vieja.

Así que madre querida,

nunca trates de olvidar

el que eres mi consentida,

y siempre te habré de amar.

Reina: my other best friend

2004-04-16T01:23:00.001+02:00

Now it's time to talk about my other best friend and, yes it is true, it happens to be a "SHE" too. She is always in a good mood even if sometimes I would shout at her because she would be playing with everything she catches hold of, be it my work reports, paper tissues, toilet papers, the cushions from the sofa, and not to mention my socks and those slippers I would rarely find in its place when i wake up in the middle of the night :)

She is always present. Whether I am coming from work or just from taking a hot shower, she will always greet me. Especially if I have spent the whole day out (most of the times due to work duty) she will be at the door and the very moment I open it she would jump at me, greeting me with lots of loving kisses (besos) and wagging her tail. She likes sleeping by my feet in bed, especially in winter, though I always make her sleep in her own little blue and pink tent.

When we are watching tv she likes sitting in the sofa although she has her own by my side. It is sometimes funny when my office mates would come and try sit on her sofa: She would start making noise and calling my attention by biting my shoes or pawing my legs, etc. When I have free time I enjoy watching her stare at the walls as if there was something there threatening her that she only could see or hear (her shadow most of the times).

Whenever I would talk to her (I am not insane, no) she would move her head from side to side as if showing she is listening attentively or at least trying to understand.This may seem silly but I enjoy these little moments in my life.

SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE

You are right if you think a partner of the opposite sex can give and bring more delicious moments than Reina (she is called Reina and she is one). While this is true for many it is still not true for me because right now I only have Reina and I am proud and happy to get so much from her. Only few people would give you so much she is giving me now for so little I am giving her.

The more I know or hear of CERTAIN people the more I love Reina and her kind. I will always thank God for having entrusted me with this lovely creature called Reina and I wil always thank her for teaching me UNSELFISH LOVE, which many dont even know what this is. If one day I stay alone and have to spend my fourth youth alone (I hope not) I will always thank her for all the memories that I may recall to help brighten my days till I get my passport to eternity.

She barks a lot and she licks my face. Sometimes she leaves puddles all around but she is my best friend. I throw her a ball and she brings it back. I give her love and she gives it back because she is my best friend....REINA =P~.

Reina: my other best friend

2004-04-16T01:23:00.000+02:00

Now it's time to talk about my other best friend and, yes it is true, it happens to be a "SHE" too. She is always in a good mood even if sometimes I would shout at her because she would be playing with everything she catches hold of, be it my work reports, paper tissues, toilet papers, the cushions from the sofa, and not to mention my socks and those slippers I would rarely find in its place when i wake up in the middle of the night :)

She is always present. Whether I am coming from work or just from taking a hot shower, she will always greet me. Especially if I have spent the whole day out (most of the times due to work duty) she will be at the door and the very moment I open it she would jump at me, greeting me with lots of loving kisses (besos) and wagging her tail. She likes sleeping by my feet in bed, especially in winter, though I always make her sleep in her own little blue and pink tent.

When we are watching tv she likes sitting in the sofa although she has her own by my side. It is sometimes funny when my office mates would come and try sit on her sofa: She would start making noise and calling my attention by biting my shoes or pawing my legs, etc. When I have free time I enjoy watching her stare at the walls as if there was something there threatening her that she only could see or hear (her shadow most of the times).

Whenever I would talk to her (I am not insane, no) she would move her head from side to side as if showing she is listening attentively or at least trying to understand.This may seem silly but I enjoy these little moments in my life.

SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE

You are right if you think a partner of the opposite sex can give and bring more delicious moments than Reina (she is called Reina and she is one). While this is true for many it is still not true for me because right now I only have Reina and I am proud and happy to get so much from her. Only few people would give you so much she is giving me now for so little I am giving her.

The more I know or hear of CERTAIN people the more I love Reina and her kind. I will always thank God for having entrusted me with this lovely creature called Reina and I wil always thank her for teaching me UNSELFISH LOVE, which many dont even know what this is. If one day I stay alone and have to spend my fourth youth alone (I hope not) I will always thank her for all the memories that I may recall to help brighten my days till I get my passport to eternity.

She barks a lot and she licks my face. Sometimes she leaves puddles all around but she is my best friend. I throw her a ball and she brings it back. I give her love and she gives it back because she is my best friend....REINA =P~.

I am still a virgin; it's my first time :P

2004-04-12T23:11:00.000+02:00

This is my very first time to write something on a blog and I am not familiar to this type of thing yet but with time I will make it, if not better, at least a decent one. Meanwhile you will have to bear with me :)

I owe it all to my friend from the Philippines and thanks to her precious time and help I am now writing something at least. I would like to mention her name (althea) or her nick (coffeespoons) here but as I am not sure if this will cause her problems, I will just write the name I usually say when I refer to her: "Diosa". Trust me on this, she is one....

A GRATITUDE FELT FROM THE HEART

At some time in our life I am sure we all have found reasons, more than once, to be grateful to someone for her help. Well, mine came few weeks ago after one of my two best friends suggested I should try open a blog and start writing like her too.The truth is she writes real well and expresses herself like an angel.

On seeing time passed by and that I had not given sign of starting anything, she insisted again and one day she agreed to open a blog for me and within 30 minutes i had it created and I could see it take its shape after she consulted me a couple of times for my taste in colours, etc.

I do not know how I can show my gratitude best but I know it means saying thanks deep from the heart. I am sending a heartfelt "gracias" to you, Diosa. I have always wanted to have the power to heal all those who need it and to make the world a better place to live. Unfortunately I cannot heal, but I have never underestimated the power of healing through prayer or distant healing (I know it exists and it works). That is why I have never stopped praying for her and right now she needs it more...lots of love and light always, Diosa.

"Diosa, I want you to know that you are a true friend and though you may say that you have not done much for me I have to tell you that you have done much more without yourself realizing it. You were here (or should i say there!) to listen when I needed to talk and share my things with someone. By this I am not saying I have no one around me here but sometimes one may be surrounded by many and still feel lonely. You are the rainbow after the worse storm and by just talking to me for an hour I would feel and see things different.

I am not sure I am always the best friend for you though I try to, but I know when life shows you its worst face I will help you through it, and I will listen to you and share all your concerns."